Psychosis
by panpipes
Summary: Piper has lost her sanity after Prue's death. How does this affect her and her family? Piper ponders The End and how this is it! Yes my friends, Psychosis has finally come to a close. There's a question most of you will ask, and the answer is yes. Hee!
1. The River

A/N: Don't even ask. I just randomly started writing this... I have no idea where it came from and where it's going to go (if anywhere) but take a look.   
  
Piper has lost most of her sanity after Prue's death. How does this affect her and the people around her?  
  
  
  
  
Psychosis   
  
  
  
  
  
People wonder why I wander around oblivious to what's going on around me. The reason is that I have no reason to pay attention. I am perfectly content living in my own little world. I am happy here. In their world, it is filled with sadness, with misery... after all, I lost my sister in that world. But in this one - in my world - she is here.  
  
Here she comes now, in fact.  
  
Her hair flows in the breeze, and she smiles to me. I return it in gratitude. Although I am alone in my room, really I am outside, in the sun with my loved ones. My hair is lifted by the wind, and it floats uncommitedly behind my neck.   
  
Waving to me, Prue turns and walks towards a river that makes little gurgling noises in the distance. Somehow, I don't want her going there, so I get up to follow her.  
  
I see her at the river's edge. She is still smiling, still radiating that energy she is always so filled with. I join her side, and look into the river. The riverbed is brown, because of the ground underneath. It is very calm. I realise there's nothing to be afraid of, and question myself as to why I was so worried about Prue going to the river.  
  
Then my answer comes.  
  
My attention is taken by the water, because the smooth-soundling bubbling of it has increased; the water is moving faster. It's getting deeper, and the sky begins to cloud over. A frown crosses over my face as I stare at the sky, blinking as the first droplet of rain splatters onto my nose. Shaking it away, I glance at Prue. But she is not there.  
  
"Prue?" I cry, twisting around to look behind me at where I was before. She is not there. A cold dread curls its way into my skin, clawing through my blood. I know where she is. I cannot look. If I don't look, then it won't be real.  
  
I tell myself this until the fear is too great and I chance on my icy intuition and deep-seated knowledge being wrong. I know it's not, but curiousity and terror is much too strong for my pathetic will. I glance behind me.  
  
And scream.  
  
My sister is lying face down in the river.  
  
*  
  
"Piper, Piper, look at me!"  
  
Noise. Voices, shouting. I blearily try to come to my senses but my mind is foggy. Where is the river? Where is Prue? What happened to her... oh god no... she fell...  
  
Screaming. High and piercing. It hurts my ears. The voices become louder and clearer.  
  
"Piper, calm down, please-"  
  
More screaming. Someone chokes out the name. Her name. Prue.  
  
My eyes snap open to see who spoke her name. Gasping, it takes me a moment to register that it was me. The screaming has stopped, and I realise that was me too.  
  
I adjust to the light, and try to make sense of the faces swimming in front of my eyes. I barely recognise them anymore, even though they are the people that live in my daydreams. Well, they are there mostly, but I usually concentrate on seeing Prue.  
  
But what just happened slammed me back to reality. I know I go into my little daydreams, where everybody is with me and Prue is alive, I know to some extent that they're not real. I really do. But that's besides the point. What bothers me is that... what happened... with Prue in the river-  
  
I feel myself physically shaking. It's pretty violent - the voices start up again, but I still can't quite make them out. I'm too far lost in my own thoughts to notice what is happening to my body. I don't know I'm making little noises, little crying sounds, which is terrifying whoever is trying to calm me down. It's beyond me.  
  
Anyway, back to what I was trying to get straight in my stupid warped head. I know my dreams aren't real. Yeah - the real world is out there, and if you want my opinion it sucks. Maybe it's why I retreat back into my own little place. I feel safe there. Hell, not any more! What I keep trying to get at but I can't seem to get my head around it is what happened to Prue... it's never happened before.   
  
I've been there hundreds of times - same scenario. I'm sitting on the grass on a beautiful day. Then she appears, smiling at me. Time passes.  
  
I realise this is the first time the river has been directly in my daydream. Memories of Prue's age-old fear of water creep into my mind and I shudder, thinking about how I now feel afraid of water. I know what it does now, my imagination has just taught me that. It kills.  
  
Body status: the convulsing has stopped. I only barely notice, but the sensation of a cool, damp cloth being pressed to my forehead calms me down and prepares me for my return to the real world. After what happened to Prue I'm unsure if this is good or bad.  
  
I open my eyes and finally I can see clearly. Leo smiles gently down at me, his face sympathetic yet full of pain. He dips the cloth into a basin of water, squeezes it out and reapplies it to my forehead. I am inexpressably grateful, though wary of the water after my revelation. I watch his face, and he stares into my eyes, as if judging my alertness. He comes to a conclusion.  
  
"Are you with us Piper?" he asks.  
  
Us? I strain to find someone else in the room, but unless they are invisible, there is only Leo and myself. I can't seem to pass it off as a figure of speech.  
  
Then Phoebe steps towards me, taking my hand. I don't understand where she came from, but I try to accept it.  
  
Stroking my cheek, Phoebe leans down beside me. She is upset. She is looking at Leo pleadingly. She says something, but it goes over my head, all apart from the word 'heal', but I can't make sense of it. Leo shakes his head mournfully in reply.  
  
I want to speak, to let them know that I'm awake and I can see them and I love them... but somehow I can't get the words to come out. It's an exertion even forming them in my head. Sometimes I hate myself for creating this life, where my imagination rules and my conception lies below, but it is getting too much. I find it difficult to comprehend so much, sometimes I don't even recognise the new woman who lives in my house.  
  
Here I go again. I berate myself for not remembering her name. Paige. That's it. I'm ashamed at how I have to remember. Rather than storing it in my memory as a separate entry, I only know her name by knowing that like the rest of my family, she is named with a 'P'. Then it usually comes back.  
  
I'm back on the grass now... Prue comes to me, smiling. I return the smile, happy once more. She beckons me to follow her to the river. Against my better judgement, I pick myself up and hurry to catch up with her.  
  
When we arrive, Prue grins and points at the water. I look at it expectantly, but see nothing out of the ordinary. Then I hear a rumble of thunder overhead. Glancing up, I notice the sky is now grey with clouds and rain is beginning to splash down. I hear the river deepening and quickening. I turn to Prue, to ask her to come bac with me, but she is gone.  
  
Panic. Where is she? Where has she gone?   
  
I look back at the grass, but there is no one there. Terror violently rips open my heart and lets itself in. I know where Prue is.  
  
Don't look, don't look Piper and it'll be all right. Just don't look in the river.  
  
But I must do what I must.  
  
I tear my eyes off the ground and turn to face the river.  
  
I feel my scream vibrating in my throat, and I know it travelled into the real world too. Prue is in the river. Her face is in the water. Her dress is puffed up from the trapped air, and it billows in the harsh winds.  
  
An image of her face flashes before my eyes. It is cracked and slimy, eaten by maggots and the eye sockets are empty. Stumbling backwards in horror, I fall.  
  
And continue to fall.  
  
Down, down.  
  
Then... I am still.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Okay, I don't know whether to make this a one-off or continue with it as a story. I guess it could get pretty interesting. I've got my other story which takes muchos priority over this one, but still, tell me what you think.  
  
pp 


	2. Auras

Psychosis  
  
  
  
  
  
Heat. Engulfing my body, roasting me alive, burning me. Too hot. Too hot!  
  
"Okay, okay, we'll take the blankets off," says a voice. A woman. She sounds concerned yet agitated. She says my name, but it sounds like a question, I don't know why.  
  
Opening my eyes, I give her my attention. I don't really know who she is. Very dark hair, it looks black most of the time, large round eyes, which I can see pain concealed within. Her skin is very pale, and she plays off that by colouring her lips a bright rouge. I know I should know her... I feel like I do but my mind isn't letting me remember. It's like a game. Hide and seek. Only, my memory is hiding and somehow I can't seek.  
  
Sister. That's it. Sister... all begin with the letter 'P'... Paige. Paige. Paige.  
  
I say the name over and over in my head like a mantra to force it into my brain. It will most likely get lost somewhere on its way. Paige.  
  
"Yes, yes Piper," she bends over me, her eyes glistening.  
  
Confused, I find I don't even know when I speak in my thoughts and I speak aloud. That must be twice so far I have spoken involuntarily. I decide to try to gain alertness.  
  
Paige helps me pull myself up against my pillows so I am sitting upright. I manage a weak smile at her, and from her reaction I sense this means a lot more to her than I know.  
  
Taking in a shuddering breath, where my whole body quakes with anticipation, I try to speak. And to my delight, I do not fail this time.  
  
"Paige," I say proudly.  
  
Her brow furrows for a second, but on a whim she changes her mind and smiles broadly at me instead. Though she seems a little disappointed.  
  
I wet my lips again. "Paige... I uh..." I have to stop to arrange the words in my head. Excitement bristles over her body, I can sense it. "You have a pretty colour," I finish. I'm talking about the green transparent mist that emits her body and hovers around her, encasing her in its beauty.  
  
Looking confused, she sits beside me and strokes my face. "Colour? What do you mean sweetie?"  
  
I giggle at her words. Then I struggle to move my mouth close to her ear. "It's all around you," I whisper, "It's green and there are teensy bits of purple too."  
  
Leaning away from me, Paige throws a look of abhorrance at me and I recede away from her. She frightens me with her expression, but once again it changes. Perhaps I always read her face wrongly, but I still get impressions.  
  
"Piper? Sweetie?" she takes up my hand and cups it in her own. "I'm gonna go downstairs and talk to Leo and Phoebe," she watches my face for any signs of recognition. "But, uh, you just yell if you need anything."  
  
"Just yell?" I ask, needing reassurance.  
  
She nods, places a kiss on my hand then gets up and leaves.   
  
I am asleep before she is gone.  
  
* * *  
  
Walking down the stairs, Paige was encased in her thoughts as she tried to make sense of what had just happened with her latest visit to her sister. She wasn't even sure if she was glad she'd found the Halliwells - Phoebe was amazing, Leo was nice, but Piper... well, Piper was off her rocker.   
  
She'd been fine when they'd first met, well, as fine as one could be after losing one sister then discovering one has another. How convenient, they must've thought.  
  
The stress of living with her new family was getting to her though. Piper needed care round the clock. And Paige hardly knew her enough to be thrust into this role, but still she remained.  
  
Grimacing, Paige went into the kitchen where Leo and Phoebe were sipping fruit juice. She sat down heavily and pawed the placemat awkwardly.  
  
"How is she?" Leo asked.  
  
"She talked," Paige replied. This instantly stirred a reaction from the other two. "I wouldn't get excited," she told them, "She sounded like a kid. Talking about colours and stuff... it didn't make any sense."  
  
Phoebe sat down beside her. "Colour? What do you mean colour?"  
  
Sighing, Paige reluctantly repeated what Piper had said. "She said I had a, uh, pretty colour. That it was all around me and it was green and purple. Make sense of that and you win the prize."  
  
Leo clasped his hands. "Well she'll be talking about your aura," he said simply.  
  
"My... aura."  
  
"Well yeah, everybody's got one. It's a misty colour that surrounds your body and indicates what you're like deep down as a person," he explained as if it was common knowledge. "If you practise, you learn to see them."  
  
Paige sat forward, finding this of immense interest. "Really? Can you?"  
  
He nodded. "Piper's right about yours. Mostly green. Little purple."  
  
"And that means..."  
  
"Well, green is the sign of a natural healer," Leo said smiling. "Which makes perfect sense, you being half whitelighter and all. The purple comes from spirituality, means you have a... well, a spiritual and slightly supernatural side to you."  
  
Paige exhaled. How can you get so much from colours?  
  
"Ooh do me," Phoebe squealed.  
  
Leo laughed softly and gazed at Phoebe's head. He relaxed his eyes and let the mist of Phoebe's aura form. "You're-"  
  
"Paige?" came a voice from up the stairs. "Paige! Paige! PAIGE!" It got more frantic with each call, ending with a screaming yell of desperation.  
  
Staring at each other in fear, Leo, Paige and Phoebe froze for a moment, before simultaneously making a dash for the stairs.  
  
* * *  
  
My mind feels like it's going to explode! Why is this happening to me? Why? I twist myself fervently, my body trying to rid itself of whatever demons are clawing their way around inside it. No luck.   
  
"Paige!" the voice calls again. It sounds desparate, and frightened. It's my voice.  
  
Then before I realise the door had opened, a woman is by my side, asking me frenzied questions, her face etched with worry. Her name comes to me a lot faster than it usually does. Paige.  
  
Then a man comes in... Leo, and my sister, Phoebe, they rush over to my sides and clamour around me. The panic that holds me does not relent. For I still see what is scaring me.  
  
Mom. She is standing just a little away from the foot of my bed. She stares at me, her eyes hard and enraged. I try not to look at her, because the very sight of what she now looks like sickens me.  
  
Her hair hangs in tangled strands, sopping wet and dripping dirty lake water onto her shoulders. Her clothes are old, torn and dirty, also wet with water and there is a huge slash down the material at the front. She stands like a broken figure, hunched over and wailing painfully. Her face... oh her face...  
  
Grotesque features replace her once appealing looks. Sunken and bloodshot eyes regard me solemnly and her mouth is twisted into an expression of agonised terror.   
  
Slowly and painfully, she lifts a hand and points to my horrified face. "You don't love me... Piper... you don't love your own mom..."  
  
"I do," I hear myself cry, "I do love you... just go away!" I know I love her but my plight is unavoidable - she is scaring me shitless.  
  
I don't see Phoebe, Paige and Leo's frantic expressions as they try to restrain me, while I struggle against their hands in order to escape the soaked monster at the bottom of my bed. I feel just as wet now, my tears have covered me in anguished salt water, but I try not to think about it and concentrate on escaping.  
  
Mom is coming closer, taking shaky steps towards me.   
  
"No," I shout, my eyes wide. "Get her away from me! No!"  
  
She lowers her hand and it touches my foot. The feeling travels up my body like a shockwave. Cold, slimy, and hateful.   
  
I notice Leo again. "Leo," I plead, "Get me out of here... anywhere."  
  
Mom is coming. She's coming to get her little girl.  
  
Leo looks at me blankly.  
  
"Help!" I roar, frustrated to breaking point. Then Paige hurls herself over my body and I feel myself begin to orb. 


	3. Out Of Reach

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, they make me smile so much. It means a lot.  
  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
  
Orbing is a funny sensation when you're not prepared for it. You feel your body taking itself apart, atom by atom, and flowing to a different location. It's very tingly, and there's a rushing noise while you're on the move.  
  
I'd always been apprehensive that one time I might orb in wrong. After all, just like your body comes apart, it's got to arrange itself back together once you've arrived, and what if something goes wrong? What if you ended up with an arm coming out of your neck or a leg stuck to your stomach? Not a pretty thought. Leo assures me it's impossible.  
  
Of course, when your mind is screwed like mine is, the impossible doesn't seem that far away.  
  
Just a thought...  
  
*  
  
Paige orbs me into the living room and almost drops me, but I thankfully land feet first. I feel... I feel...  
  
Normal! It's unbelievable... I feel fine! I am still terrified to hell of what I just saw, but somehow I can think straight. For this precious, dear moment in time, I am sanity. I am not crazed, psychotic ramblings. I am not wrenching, horrified screaming. I am not even seeing things. I am sane.  
  
I see Paige looking at me curiously, about to ask me something but I move before she has a chance.  
  
She probably thinks I am attacking for a moment as I throw myself on top of her, enveloping her in the hugest embrace I can muster. My tears are not of frustration or fear this time; they are of gratitude.   
  
"Thank you, thank you!" I hear myself cry. "You saved me." I can't bring myself to let go of her, the love and thankfulness I feel right now is too overwhelming. But I must. I must make the most of my clear-headedness.  
  
"Piper?" she asks me, squinting her eyes in apprehension.  
  
The tiny action brings a flash of sudden resemblance to her oldest sister Prue onto her face. And to my mind. My sanity is suddenly swept away from beneath me as I am thrown into a turmoil of memories of Prue, plied of images of her... the most prominant of which is the image of her lying face down in that river, and her slimy, rotten, death-eaten face.  
  
It brings me right back down, and I find myself involuntarily falling to and crouching on the ground sobbing out harsh, angry coughs of pain. No, Piper, you must not think about it, you cannot let yourself go...  
  
*  
  
Leo and Phoebe dashed down the stairs to find Paige standing helplessly beside a shuddering Piper. She was on the floor, head in hands and wailing miserably.  
  
"What did you do to her?" Phoebe spat at Paige.  
  
"Nothing!" Paige replied, feeling sudden anger. Phoebe stomped over, brushed Paige aside, and dropped onto her knees beside her quivering sister.  
  
Brushing hair out of Piper's tear-soaked face, Phoebe spoke. "Piper, honey? Piper?"  
  
Still crying, Piper glanced up from the protective barrier her hands were invisibly creating. There was nothing there, of course. Someone was speaking to her. Mentally, she told herself to concentrate.   
  
"Phoebe?" she coughed. "Phoebe... help me..."  
  
"We will, sweetie, we will," Phoebe stroked Piper's hair and once again turned to look pleadingly at Leo. But it was hopeless. Piper's illness was mental, not physical; there was nothing he could do to heal her.  
  
Leaning into Phoebe's shoulders, Piper tried to stop the tears. Once they'd slowed down a little, she suddenly stood up determinedly. Taking a few deep breaths, she turned to face Paige and Leo. Phoebe quickly got to her feet and joined the other two in watching her curiously.  
  
Piper opened her mouth, and then closed it. She opened it again. "I... I don't know what's happening to me," she told them shakily. "I keep... keep seeing things, like dreams, only... only they seem so real! I know they're not..." she paused, wondering if she really did know, "But, I can't stop them."  
  
Stepping forward, Paige placed a hand on Piper's arm. Swallowing hard, Piper glanced down at Paige's hand, and then up at her sister.   
  
"Thank you for orbing me here," she told her. "You don't know what you saved me from."  
  
"Then tell me," Paige replied.   
  
Piper paused for a long while, thinking about it. Then her breathing changed; it became extremely ragged and her body began to shake slightly. She looked up at Paige pleadingly. "I - I - I can't..." she whispered, "Paige... it's coming back... it's taking me again..." Her voice broke as her emotion stopped her speaking clearly. "Don't let it take me again... please..."  
  
Paige could only watch in shock as Piper fell to the floor and begin to convulse ferociously. It was awful! Paige really feared that Piper would simply give up and die as a result of this, it was that horrifying to look at. Paige could bet it was a hell of a lot worse to actually experience.  
  
The two sisters and Leo dropped to Piper's sides, to restrain the screaming sister, and managed to hold her arms down. Phoebe leaned on top of her in a protective hug and lay still for a while, until Piper calmed.   
  
Once she'd stopped jerking, Piper's breathing returned to normal, but she didn't move. Phoebe sat up and cupped Piper's face in her hand. Her skin felt hot from the tears, which also had made it feel dry and coarse. She was so beautiful, but in order for her mind to do such horrible things to her, it must be hideously ugly inside her just now. They had to help her.  
  
Phoebe yelped when Piper's arm flew up to grab her hand and wrench it away from her face. Clinging on to it, Piper pulled Phoebe right up close to her face and whispered in her ear.  
  
"Did you know, that the room is filled with demons?" she questioned, her mind clearly showing her something that wasn't there. Then she added as a side comment "When there's smoke, there's fire."  
  
She pushed Phoebe roughly away and her eyes flickered to Paige. She smiled weakly at her youngest sister, not knowing what she'd just said made absolutely no sense.  
  
Paige smiled back genuinely and dropped to her knees beside Piper, who remained lying on her back. "Hey," Paige said pleasantly, leaning in towards Piper, thinking that she was perhaps having another moment of sanity.   
  
Not so.  
  
Paige fell flat onto her back from the force of Piper's attack. "Demon!" Piper had cried, before delivering a punch - square in the jaw - to Paige. An action so sudden that nobody had time to do anything about it. Paige's teeth clattered together and she cried out in pain.  
  
Piper propped herself up on her elbows, gave Paige a harsh glare, then noticed Phoebe sitting right beside her and receded away sharply.   
  
"That witch," Paige said, half serious and half good-humouredly as Leo held his hand over her bleeding jaw.  
  
Leo finished healing her and turned to his wife. "Piper-" he began, but was cut off by Piper's sudden movement.  
  
"Look out!" Phoebe cried as Piper leapt to her feet and charged at Leo, but he didn't have time to react. She threw her weight into him, pushing him heavily backwards into Paige, causing them both to tumble over as all balance was lost.  
  
Leo cracked his head on the coffee table, and slumped to the floor, out for the count. Paige shoved his legs off her torso, and slowly got back up. Then she ducked down to avoid an incoming lamp as Piper threw it at her.  
  
"Piper calm down! It's us!"  
  
Phoebe didn't have much time to say any more because she found herself getting kicked in the stomache by a surprisingly limber sister. Winded, she fell back and struggled to regain her breathing.  
  
Tired out, Piper stood in the middle of it all, glaring defensively all around her.   
  
She was muttering something under her breath, Paige caught snatches of it, and heard the word 'demons' crop up several times. Did Piper really think they were demons?  
  
Piper turned and saw Paige staring at her, and instantly her expression softened and she broke into a smile.  
  
"Thank you," she said, tears in her eyes, and quickly moved towards Paige.  
  
Paige threw up her hands in a defensive stance and was surprised to find herself being hugged by the woman who'd attacked her only seconds before.  
  
Feeling Piper lean into her, Paige awkwardly wrapped her own arms around her sister's back, which was lucky, because at that moment Piper dropped all her weight onto Paige, falling to the floor - but because Paige was holding her she went down a lot more gently.  
  
She was asleep.  
  
Rubbing the back of her neck, Paige sat up and glanced at Leo. He was coming round dozily. Phoebe joined her and rested a hand on Piper's side lovingly.   
  
"I don't get it. How come you get the hug and I get the punch?" she asked.  
  
"Hello? I had the punch too. I also had Leo thrown at me and that newly broken lamp."  
  
There was a pause as they looked down on Piper, now sleeping soundly.   
  
Phoebe bit her lips from the inside, holding them shut. Then she sniffed, a tear dropping silently into her lap. "I don't know what we're gonna do with her," she said, her voice high with emotion. "I want to help her so much... but what can we do?" 


	4. Great Minds...

Psychosis  
  
  
  
Paige listlessly stared at the flickering images on the screen. The television's volume was muted, but then again it wasn't exactly something Paige was interested in watching - some old black and white horror flick that Phoebe had lent her - 'Kill It And It Dies' or something.  
  
She lay on her bed, dressed in a vest top and loose pants, propped against the several pillows she'd arranged against the headboard. Sleep wouldn't come. Her mind was knit with worry and fretting about her poor sister, unconscious in the next room. Piper. Her sister.  
  
Sighing deeply, Paige glanced up at the screen again. Boring. All Paige wanted to do was to be sitting next door making sure Piper was alright. But for some reason Phoebe had decided that they would take individual watches so they'd get at least some sleep that night. Sounded like Phoebe had done this sort of thing before.   
  
Well, Phoebe had been on watch for three hours and Paige hadn't slept a wink.  
  
At that moment there was a quiet knock on the door and Phoebe herself stuck her head round, smiling weakly at Paige. "Oh you're awake," she said, a little surprised, and softly padded in.   
  
Paige made room for Phoebe to sit down beside her. "How is she?" she whispered, intending to speak louder but her dry mouth hindered her. She watched Phoebe's expression intently for any details of Piper's progress... if any.  
  
"Still out," Phoebe told her. "It's kinda worrying, I mean she's been asleep for over twelve hours now."  
  
Silence settled over the two. Paige glanced at her watch and saw Phoebe was right; it was four in the morning. Piper had been asleep for ages. Or maybe it was unconsciousness.  
  
Phoebe raised her legs onto the bed so she was leaning against the pillows beside Paige. She rested her head on Paige's shoulder, closing her eyes wearily.   
  
"Will I go through?" Paige asked, hoping Phoebe would agree. She looked tired.  
  
Phoebe's eyes found the television. "Oh, you're watching 'Kill It Before It Dies'!" she said, somewhat excited.   
  
"Sorta," Paige commented quietly, not wanting to tell Phoebe she thought her favourite movie was a pile of crap. She stood up, stretching away the stiffness from lying in the same position for hours.   
  
"May I?" Phoebe asked, wondering if she could stay in Paige's room and watch the movie. It was a lot warmer in here than it would be in her own room.  
  
Turning to the screen, Paige laughed in spite of herself. "Sure, Phoebe."  
  
Phoebe grinned and slipped under the blankets on Paige's bed, settling down. She was feeling more awake now, but knew she'd probably come back down after Paige left and soon be asleep.   
  
Looking down at her sceptically with a small smile on her lips, Paige shook her head slightly and left the room.  
  
She came to a stop outside her older sister's room, and wet her lips before tentatively pushing open the door. It was dark inside, and she could only faintly make out Piper's sleeping form in the light from the doorway. She stepped inside and closed the door softly.  
  
It was difficult to navigate her way around the room when she couldn't see a thing, but her eyes soon adjusted, and she found her way to the chair that had been placed beside the bed. There was a small sheet over it, and Paige wrapped this around herself before sitting down and finally taking a proper look at Piper.  
  
She was sleeping soundly, her smooth face untroubled. A hand rest beside her head, and once or twice the fingers would give a few twitches; Piper must be dreaming.   
  
Paige laid a hand on Piper's head, cupping her cheek lovingly. How could she feel so much fondness for someone she knew so little? It was strange, but it didn't matter.  
  
*  
  
Phoebe's eyes drooped as she tried to pay attention to the movie. She hadn't even noticed there was no sound, she was that tired. Giving in, she shifted herself onto her side, acknowledging that this was not her bed but she was too settled and warm to care. Just as she was about to drift off, her eyes involuntarily flickered, and she saw something.  
  
It took her moments to register that it was Piper's bracelet sitting on Paige's bedside table.  
  
Forcing herself back to alertness, Phoebe reached for the jewellery and picked it up, smiling. She was thinking about how she too borrowed things from her sisters without permission... not that it was really possible to get permission off Piper in her current state.  
  
Looking at the silver, Phoebe's fingers played over the bracelet for a few moments before she was pulled into a premonition.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
Piper is standing beside a river, looking in with tears pouring down her face. In the river lies a body. Face down. A woman. Then Piper turns around and finds herself facing... mom? She screams and falls backwards... screams for help, for Phoebe, for Paige and... for Prue.  
  
And so it went on.  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
When she came to, Phoebe was sweating. That was no normal premonition.  
  
She thought to look at her watch, and saw that she'd been out for over twenty minutes! What the hell had just happened? That was more of a dream than a premonition. It was so scary... seeing mom like that... she looked so awful, stooped over and with old, cracked skin. She was terrifying, and attacking Piper like that - it was horrible.  
  
This wasn't the sort of dreams that Piper was having, was it? No wonder she was crazy, being plagued by visions as awful as what Phoebe'd just seen.   
  
Something told Phoebe that this was exactly the sort of thing Piper was seeing. The very idea chilled Phoebe to the bone.  
  
There was a knock at the door and Paige rushed in. "Phoebe are you okay?" she asked, her brow knit with concern. "I heard you yell."  
  
Phoebe regained herself and let Paige sit next to her and take her hand. "Yeah..." she said, then decided against lying. "No. I had a premonition. A feature length premonition. Or... dream. Or psychic connection, or something."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Paige said, her eyebrows raised at her nonsensical sister.  
  
Raising a hand to her temple, Phoebe paused and breathed. "It was weird," she said, "I felt like... like I was in Piper's dream or something... I was watching what was happening to her, and oh god it was horrible."  
  
Paige bit the inside of her lip and laid a comforting hand on Phoebe's leg. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.  
  
"Yeah it's, it's Piper I'm more concerned about. If that's the sort of thing that's happening to her all the time... in her head... Paige it's horrible. Prue was there and... oh..." She fell into silence thinking about her sister. Dream or not, it had been a long time since Phoebe had seen Prue, and she'd seen images of her in Piper's dream. If it even was Piper's dream.  
  
Deciding to take action, Paige picked herself off the bed and wandered through to Piper's room. She was shocked to see Leo stooped over her, and quickly walked in to see what he was doing.  
  
He jumped back upon seeing Paige, but his hands remained hanging above Piper's body.  
  
"Great minds," she whispered, and placed her hands over Piper too. "That's just what I was gonna try to do."  
  
"It's hopeless," Leo sniffed. "Healing doesn't work."  
  
They stood in silence and concentrated on using their combined healing powers so there would be more strength in their magic. Nothing was happening.  
  
Phoebe padded in ad watched quietly. After a long while, she pulled in a long breath of defeat. "It's not working you guys. We're never gonna get her back."  
  
"Don't say that!" Paige said shortly. "Of course we will. I know we will. Even if we have to go in there and fix her."  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"That's it!" Phoebe cried, and ran out of the room. 


	5. Demons With A Difference

A/N: Muy thankees to my dear friend Stephanie18 for giving me the idea for the title of chapter three. Take a look at it, enjoy it's relevance and appreciate her genius. Gun down now Steph?  
  
  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
  
"Are you... sure about this?"  
  
"Not in the slightest," Phoebe told her apprehensive sister. "It's worth a shot though, isn't it?"  
  
They were in the attic, preparing to cast a spell which would, in theory, place them inside Piper's mind so they could try to work out what was wrong with her.  
  
"I guess... I just don't wanna get lost in there or anything," Paige said, pulling a 'you never know, it could happen' face. Her uncertainity of this was consuming her.   
  
A cluster of orbs appearing several feet away distracted them as Leo appeared looking petrified. "Guys, she's doing it again," he said quickly before disappearing again.  
  
With a look of fear at each other, Phoebe made her way towards the attic door but found herself orbing as Paige grabbed her around the stomach.  
  
"Just that little bit speedier," Paige cried as they orbed out. 'Please oh please let us orb into the right place', she thought to herself. Paige wasn't quite up to scratch with her orbing powers and she was begging that this would work.  
  
It did.   
  
They appeared in Piper's room just in time to orb out again as Piper threw a hairdryer at them. Well, Paige orbed out. Phoebe, however, got smacked in the head with the hair-care appliance. Not the warmest of welcomes.  
  
Paige reappeared and darted over to Phoebe's side, steadying her. "You okay?" she asked.  
  
"I'd have been better if you hadn't abandoned me there," Phoebe commented.  
  
"Sorry - gut reaction," Paige told her genuinely. Her attention was brought to Piper who was glaring at them all, sweat glistening on her angered face.  
  
"Get away from me," Piper yelled, "You're evil and I hate you!"  
  
Leo stepped forward. "Piper-" he began.  
  
Then it happened. Piper's last thread of sanity snapped and she flicked up her hands, activating her power. Leo exploded.  
  
Paige's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my god is he-"  
  
"No," Phoebe said through clenched teeth, "He'll be fine. Don't worry Paige."  
  
Turning her eyes to Phoebe and Paige, the eldest Charmed One prepared herself for attack.  
  
"What if she blows us up?" Paige asked, her eyes not leaving Piper's angered face.  
  
"Then you can worry."  
  
Nodding shortly, Paige looked into Piper's eyes. There was nothing there. She looked like she was possessed. Piper held back for a moment, before charging towards Phoebe.  
  
"Piper no!" Paige cried holding out her hand desperately, and completely to her surprise, Piper disappeared in a cluster of orbs and reappeared by Paige's side.   
  
Acting quickly in defence, Paige delivered a sharp blow to Piper's temple as her sister was about to strike her first, and this dazed the oldest sister for a moment.  
  
"I didn't know you could orb people," Phoebe yelled between trying to restrain Piper and avoid her flailing hands.  
  
"Neither did I," Paige muttered, and decided to help Phoebe.  
  
Leo orbed back in, looking dazed. "What happened?" he asked.  
  
"Let go of me you demons!"   
  
"Piper blew you up, attacked us and here we are," Phoebe said as if it was nothing. "Now help us make her stop!"  
  
Continuing to struggle, Piper wasn't fazed by their desparate attempts at calming her down. She was completely crazy.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: If anyone is positive Paige *can't* orb people don't be so sure - has she ever tried? Prue could TK people, so why can't Paige work that way too? 


	6. Out Of The Frying Pan

A/N: Okay, I don't know about this chapter... I'm not sure if I like where the story is going so tell me, and if it's drastic I can always replace this with something along the lines of the previous chapters.   
A/N number deux: Amber! How could you suggest I have all my chapters pre-written! That is so not true. Well... maybe only a little bit... well... um... okay, it is true! But only for It Takes One, that is pretty much complete (that's how I know there is a lot more to come hehe) But this story is coming as it comes... and I'm not sure if that's good or bad so feedback please!  
  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
All Paige could sense for a good twenty seconds was a rushing sound and a bright light attacking her whenever she tried to open her eyes. It felt like being on a rollercoaster - she couldn't bring herself to try to speak, and it felt like her body was being pulled in all sorts of directions.  
  
She'd been in a different world as soon as she'd said the incantation, of course, her mind elsewhere before her body even hit the floor.  
  
Then it stopped. Her feet were on solid ground. Thank god.  
  
Cautiously, she opened one eye. Then the other. Her mouth fell open at what she saw. "Wow."  
  
"This is Piper's mind?" came Phoebe's voice from beside her.  
  
"Part of it, I... I guess," Paige replied and took a good look around. They were in the countryside, it seemed, beautiful rolling hills fading into the horizon, a perfect blue sky punctuated by several clouds hanging lazily overhead, green grass, tall trees, gorgeous flowers and a bright, beaming sun warming their skin. "It's amazing. It seems so real!"  
  
Bending down to pick a flower, Phoebe glanced to her right, and didn't pay much attention to the woman sitting on the grass a fair distance away. Then she did a double take and dropped the still-rooted flower. "There she is!"  
  
Paige followed Phoebe's gaze and saw Piper, sitting happily in the sun, looking perfectly calm. "What do we do?"  
  
Phoebe shrugged and decided against picking the flower... after all, it could represent an integral part of Piper's brain functionings. Far-fetched as it seemed, Phoebe sure as hell wasn't going to take any chances.  
  
"Should we go and talk to her?" Paige asked. "I don't know if she'll, you know, see us... or if we're sorta invisible... or what she'll do if she does see us, how she'll react and-"  
  
"Oh my god..." Phoebe cut Paige off from rambling anxiously with her own words. Her eyes widened and sparked with tears immediately. Could it really be her?  
  
Following Phoebe's glistening eyes back towards Piper, Paige was startled to see another woman approach her older sister. She knew who it was. She'd seen enough pictures and heard enough tales to know that this woman was none other than her oldest sister Prue. A lump rose in the back of her throat and she fought to swallow it back down, but the nausea remained.  
  
Beyond her realisation, Phoebe broke into a run to reach her dead sister. All she wanted to do was to feel those arms around her again, to touch her body, to smell her hair, to be near her. God she missed her so much! And they needed her so much.  
  
Panicking at Phoebe's actions, Paige also began to run, and struggled to catch up with Phoebe, but when she quickly did she reached out and grabbed her sister, pulling her back strongly.   
  
Phoebe struggled against Paige's hold, crying loudly now. "Prue!" she called, "Prue!"  
  
Paige wrapped her arms around Phoebe from behind, using all her strength to stop her sibling from hurting herself. "Phoebe stop!" she cried desperately. "She's not real! It's not... she's not really Prue, she's just a part of Piper's mind! Stop!"  
  
Continuing to struggle, Phoebe cried harder. "I have to see her, I have to!"  
  
"Phoebe, you're only gonna hurt yourself more! Please! She's not the real Prue," Biting her lip and feeling herself weaken, Paige quickly tugged Phoebe back again, harder than she intended, and they both fell backwards landing heavily, Phoebe on top of Paige.  
  
They sat for a moment breathing heavily, then Phoebe twisted around to look at Prue again. She sobbed heavily, her whole body shuddering with grief. Feeling tears begin to prick her own eyes, Paige placed a comforting hand on Phoebe's shoulder. "It's okay Phoebe, it's okay."  
  
Phoebe sat down, her shoulders sagging in defeat. "Oh god, Prue," she choked out. "I miss her so much..." She paused, sniffing loudly. "And I never got to say goodbye... all I wanted... was to say goodbye..."  
  
She dissolved once again into tears of misery, and Paige too broke down, but tried to keep her voice sounding strong so Phoebe wouldn't notice the tears trailing down her own cheeks. "Phoebe, Prue knew you loved her when she died. And you know she loved you. What more could you ever have hoped for?"  
  
"I just wanted... to see her again..." Phoebe wailed. "Oh Paige, I'm so sorry, I know this must make you feel-"  
  
"Shh," Paige whispered. "Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself for a change. Here was me thinking we came in here to see what was wrong with Piper... turned out to be a bit of a therapy session for you too, huh?"  
  
Phoebe was calming down now. She looked up into Paige's shining eyes and managed a weak smile. "Thank you Paige," she said. "You're amazing."  
  
Smiling through her own tears, Paige felt her breast swell with love for this person. She knew right then just how glad she was she'd found these two women. How much better her life was now that there was love and warmth in it. And she was going to do everything in her power to help Piper. No matter what.  
  
Paige glanced over to where Prue and Piper were, and saw Prue extend her hand and Piper take it, allowing Prue to pull her to her feet. They then began walking.  
  
"They're on the move," she informed Phoebe, who instantly turned to observe her older sisters making their way over to a smallish river which gurgled contently as the water slowly travelled downstream. Phoebe and Paige went into business mode, and watched keenly the events.  
  
They stared into the river for a long time, before Piper looked up to the sky and it instantly clouded over, a rumble of thunder careening its way through the now bleak-looking sky. Raindrops began to splash down, covering the ground with glistening water. A flash of lightning invoked a deep fear inside of Phoebe. If an earthquake was on it's way, she did not want to be there anymore.  
  
But still Paige and Phoebe watched their two older siblings, standing at the river. Nothing was happening until quite suddenly, Piper lurched towards Prue and viciously pushed her into the river! There was a scream as Prue fell, then silence.   
  
Phoebe cried out in horror and Paige's hand flew to her mouth, eyes wide. She couldn't stop staring at Piper, who stood and stared into the water coldly.  
  
"Oh my god, oh my god," Phoebe was completely shocked by what she just saw. It was incredible... it was awful. It was wrong.  
  
Then something in Piper's harsh posture seemed to change, and she whipped around, calling out loudly. "Prue? Prue? Where did you go?"  
  
Paige frowned. "What? But she just..."  
  
"Prue!" Piper was sounding more desperate as she continued to yell. "Prue! Don't leave me, please don't leave me! Prue where are you?" She kept looking all around her, but then froze, as if knowing what came next. Ever so slowly, she began to turn around. She directed her eyes towards the river. And screamed.  
  
"Oh god," Phoebe repeated, feeling Piper's anguish. She knew exactly what Piper was seeing.  
  
Ignoring Phoebe, Paige continued to watch intently Piper's movements and reactions. Piper was pacing away from the river now, tears pouring from her eyes, choking as she tried to breath through her agony.  
  
"I say now," Paige stated, before grabbing Phoebe's hand and dragging her towards Piper.   
  
Phoebe found her own legs and quickly hurried to stay by Paige's side as they approached Piper. Would she even see them?  
  
She did. Piper turned around, eyes streaming tears of horror and pain, and stopped short, looking at them. Her face was a picture of misery, and Phoebe was sure her own face reflected the picture back at Piper.  
  
Piper began to sob heavily one more, looking at them pleadingly.  
  
How could she look so frightened and innocent when she'd just killed her own sister?  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Well that was a twist. Piper! How could you? 


	7. An Old Friend

A/N: This chapter was written at 2am and it's been a long time since I've written this. And it was written with much haste, my friends, much haste. So excuse the general crappiness *grins* And boy if you thought this was weird before, you ain't seen nothing yet! Thanks for the reviews, they mean a lot.  
A/N: *this A/N came after I'd finished*... I hope it's not awful *whimpers*. My firm excuse is I've been up for nearly 24 hours. Well... if it's half 2 now I've been awake for like... um... *counts on fingers... not enough fingers* 20 hours? I deserve to be let off with this one... please?  
  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
  
"Piper," Phoebe whispered in a mournful voice, "What did you do?"  
  
"Prue-" Piper started, but was crying so hard she couldn't speak.  
  
Glancing at Phoebe, Paige realised she had no idea what to do. This was just too weird. Here she was, inside her half-sister's mind, and she'd just witnessed Piper push her already dead other half-sister Prue into a river and act like it hadn't even happened. "Piper," she began uncertainly, "You just pushed... Prue into the river."  
  
Piper stared at her silently, her eyes shining.  
  
"Why?" Paige continued, thinking. "What is this? Your subconscious telling us you feel responsible for her death?  
  
A smile crept onto Piper's face. Paige frowned at her. The smile was so... innocent. It reminded Paige of the kind of smile a child would have. Pure.  
  
"It wasn't your fault, Piper," Phoebe injected. "You should know that by now. It wasn't anybody's fault."  
  
But still Piper smiled on, as if she hadn't heard. It was like Paige and Phoebe were speaking a language Piper didn't understand, so she just smiled and nodded along.  
  
Raising an eyebrow, Paige wondered if she was even listening. She wondered how much of this was getting through to the real Piper who was at present lying unconscious in her bed. "Piper. Please. Talk to us. What happened with Prue just there... why did you do it?"  
  
A sad expression replaced Piper's shy smile and she looked at Paige and Phoebe before slowly making her way past them. She simply walked away.  
  
Sharing a quick glance, Paige and Phoebe followed their big sister.  
  
The suddenly the surroundings changed and they were in an office building. Paige looked around her, confused.   
  
Phoebe blanked. She knew this place. She knew this place and she knew she had wanted to forget it existed. "Bucklands?" she gasped. "What's this place got to do with...?"  
  
They saw Piper wearing a skirt suit and trotting into Prue's old office.  
  
"Let's go see what the current movie is," Paige joked half-heartedly. They followed Piper and found her talking to a man. An English man.  
  
"Rex Buckland," Phoebe snarled. "What's he doing here?"  
  
"Who is he?"  
  
"One of the first warlocks we encountered. And a bad one at that. He was Prue's old boss here and had us fooled he was a normal guy for ages," Phoebe was letting her voice sound her anger as she recalled the blackmail they'd gone through. "Then he turned his... minion partner into a... a... big black cat-"  
  
"A panther."  
  
Phoebe glared at Paige, then relaxed her expression. "Right. And tried to steal our powers. Actually... you know to this day I still don't exactly know how we got them back but-"  
  
"Shh. Something's happening."  
  
Phoebe silenced herself and joined Paige in staring at Piper and Rex's interaction. She couldn't hear what they were saying, which was strange because they were so close, but still, all she saw was their lips move. Then Piper shook Rex's hand.  
  
"What?" Phoebe whispered almost silently. "What is going on?"  
  
"We could always ask," Paige suggested.  
  
Phoebe pursed her lips decisively. "Good idea." They charged into the office hand in hand. Phoebe then placed her hands on her hips as Rex and Piper turned to face the newcomers. "Rex Buckland," she announced sardonically. "Pleasure to see you again."  
  
"Ah, Miss Halliwell," he said pleasantly. "Your sister Piper here has just decided to join the team here at Bucklands."  
  
Piper grinned widely and nodded her assurance.   
  
This caught Phoebe off. Maybe she'd jumped in a little soon - she'd kind of simply assumed that on seeing Rex, he was the demon in this whole scenario. Sure they'd vanquished him before but demons had come back before as well, hadn't they? And the whole mind-control gig Rex had going fit in with this all too well.   
  
The suspicion was probably stemmed from Phoebe's extreme desire that this whole thing was caused by a demon and not some sort of mental dysfunction on Piper's part. Demons could be vanquished, and mostly quite easily at that, but mental demons?  
  
Rex placed his hand on Piper's shoulder, claiming her. Phoebe bristled. "And what exactly does Piper's job involve?" she queried.  
  
Answering simply, Rex pasted a smirk on his face. "To destroy the Charmed Ones and capture their powers for me." He gave Piper's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and she beamed up at him, delighted. Rex and Piper began to converse again, ignoring Paige and Phoebe.  
  
Paige folded her arms and leaned over to Phoebe. "This isn't going exactly the way I imagined," she said quietly. "I didn't picture him announcing something like that as if we were normal people and it was a normal job. I thought this might actually lead to something."  
  
"Maybe it does," Phoebe muttered.   
  
Rex turned to Piper. "Right, my little Hellfire," he smiled, "Go get Phoebe Halliwell. Bring me her powers. And perhaps her head, as a souvenir. I hear she has a delightful new hair style."  
  
"How sweet of him to comment," Phoebe raised an eyebrow. "And Hellfire? This is just getting weird..." She paused. Then added an "...er." She looked to Paige to explain. "Ms Hellfire was a hit woman hired to kill us-"  
  
"Phoebe, details later. I'd be more worried about the fact that he just asked her to kill you," Paige warned. "And I think he meant... 'you' you. Because..."  
  
Phoebe noticed that Piper was looking directly at her with a malicious smirk on her face. "Oh!" she gasped and stepped backwards, away from her advancing sister. "Oh, Paige? How do we make the movie stop?"  
  
"Uh..." Paige dithered for a moment, and began to wave her hands around. "End. Stop. Um... let us back into our own world." She snapped her fingers. Nothing. "Phoebe? Why did we come in here without knowing how to get out?"  
  
"I don't know," Phoebe whimpered, "But I know what we can do."  
  
Paige paused and met her sister's frightened look. "What?"  
  
"Run!" 


	8. Infliction

A/N: I must say, I considered leaving it a month before an update but... aw you guys were too nice to me.   
A/N: And if the parts where it's Piper's POV (point of view) don't make sense, that's my intention. Piper doesn't understand what's happening to her, so why should we?  
  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
  
No! No! No! I must not! I cannot! Piper, you must, please, just don't go after her. But I can't stop myself. She's there, and the tugging of my conscience proves not strong enough to hold me back from ultimately destroying my sister. I have to. I'll lose my job!  
  
They ran from me, Phoebe and Paige. I stalk after them with a smirk on my face, Rex Buckland's laugh resounding like an echo in my burning ears. The elevator, that's it. They took the elevator. I can see by the flashing light that they are almost at the bottom. I rush over to the stairs door and swing it open and... well, somehow I'm already on ground floor rather than seventh! Which is pretty handy.   
  
I hurry over to the elevator door and wait for them to arrive. Anticipation causes my blood to heat up and make my body tingle, like pins are under my skin and are trying to burst out and be free!  
  
I wet my lips and wait.  
  
The dial comes down further. Third floor. Second. First. And... ground. Ping, the doors start to open. I raise the dagger which I find in my hand, not caring where it came from because I don't know. I can't hide the smile on my face. I can wait no longer.  
  
The doors open, and they start to run out. And they see me, standing there happily with my glinting knife and the smell of my imminent victory. The look on their faces is priceless. I feel bad that I'm going to have to kill Paige too now, but then again the thought of how happy Rex will be if I kill two birds with one stone. Well, one knife.  
  
I dive towards Phoebe, swinging the blade at her... and she responds by attacking in turn! I feel pain as my stomach catches a blow from her foot, and I stumble back in shock. And she doesn't stop! She continues towards me in a torrent of flying feet and flailing arms... I can't help but feel frightened. I've never really been on the receiving end of Phoebe's martial mastery.  
  
Suddenly - and most certainly unexpectedly - there's a crunch to my head, and my eyes roll up to see my very own sister Paige had crashed some sort of display vase onto me. It's too much. I drop the knife (which is now bloodied - I must've struck somebody) reluctantly, and fall backwards, my eyes closing and sleep overtaking. I keep falling. Maybe it's not sleep. Maybe it's awakening. And yet I fall.  
  
*  
  
There! That was it! No... I... what... where am I? I appear to be in my own bedroom and in my own bed... and I'm tied down! They've captured me! They'll kill me if I don't escape! I scream a roar of fear and frustration as I struggle to get up but my legs won't move. They're tangled up in a knot of whatever they've cast upon me to restrict my leg movement.   
  
I throw myself off the bed and onto the floor so I can curl up and free my legs from the sheets which bind them. Sweat makes my body feel so hot and clammy I want to just drop my skin to the floor and be pure again. The door bursts open and that man runs in, falling to my side and touching me! No, get off me!  
  
Lashing out at him, I manage to shove him off, his hands trying to reach out and make my clothes stick to my skin further. I feel disgusted. I scream at him tribally, and he recedes. Good.  
  
Then somebody calls from above. A voice. They shout 'Leo' or something... they scream it a lot. The man, Leo, that's his name of course, he glances up then looks at me. He doesn't want to go, I can tell. The look of indecision on his face is obvious. He is Hamlet. More time passes and the yelling continues. Shaking his head, Leo looks up at the ceiling then back at me again. Then to my complete terror and shock, he turns into tiny blue lights and... vanishes!  
  
*  
  
"Leo!" Paige yelled again, crouched over Phoebe's spluttering body. Phoebe, who was shuddering from the deep knife wound to her abdomen. Paige placed her hands on her sister's cheek and shoulder and attempted to comfort her. "You'll be fine Phoebe, just stay with me. Just... stay with me and you'll be okay."  
  
Phoebe couldn't breathe. The warm, sticky blood was covering her once white top. How did this happen? She wasn't physically in Piper's presence, how had her wound transferred from an imaginary setting to her real body?   
  
Her chest began to shudder irregularly and painfully, uncontrolled by Phoebe as she tried to contend with her confusion, fear and agony until Leo got there.  
  
"Phoebe, look at me," Paige commanded. "Come on, look at me please."  
  
Struggling, Phoebe changed her direction of gaze to meet her sister's eyes. "Paige..." she groaned. "How?"  
  
"I don't know," Paige snivelled, tears tripping down her cheeks. Her eyes screamed as Phoebe glazed over and her body relaxed. Her eyes closed slowly, and she became still. Terrified, Paige leant back and shouted loudly. "Leo! Someone!"  
  
Seconds later he orbed in, tumbling to his knees beside her and holding his hands over her. "How did this happen?" he cried to Paige.   
  
"It was Piper!" Paige replied defensively, as if Leo had accused her of causing Phoebe's wound and she had to shift the blame. Then her words actually took effect. "It was... Piper."  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Hoorah I went back to the first person a little! Now what? Hmm... And how random that Phoebe's wound was inflicted onto her real body too. Dangerous place, Piper's mind. 


	9. Nervous and Weird

A/N: To who waited for this chapter: Thank you, and I'm sorry it's been so long. I've been having mundo writer's block with this damn story and today I just said to myself, "Right, wench, you're writing this damn story and you're writing it well."  
  
So I'll write it... and if it's written well, well, I guess that's for you to decide! Thanks again. Weird time shifts guys. Weird.  
  
A/N: Language, my friends, language. That naughty scamp Paige utters a terrible word. You have been forewarned.  
  
A/N: Ooh, I'm finished writing now... a nice Christmas cliffhanger for you!  
  
  
  
Chapter Nine: Nervous And Weird  
  
  
  
"Okay, so we just took the wrong approach maybe," Paige stuttered. "I mean, maybe this isn't the right way to go about this. Maybe we should just try talking to her... uh, I don't know, counselling or something-"  
  
"Paige," Phoebe cut her sister off. "Please."  
  
Silence fell over Paige as she bit her tongue and tried to stop quivering. She perched on one of the kitchen chairs and groped at her temples with her finger tips. "I just... I just feel so helpless, Phoebe. It feels like we've tried everything and nothing's working."  
  
Sniffing, Phoebe's eyes played over her younger sister, sitting there, looking so defeated. Her mouth was tight and her eyes squeezed shut, as if she had a huge headache. Phoebe had a headache. But she could bet it wasn't anything as awful as the war going on inside Piper's mind.  
  
Phoebe placed a soft hand on Paige's shoulder. "We can't give up," she told her. "Piper's still there, I know she is. We just have to figure out a way of how to get her back."  
  
* * *  
  
I sit on my bed with my knees pulled right up to underneath my chin, which I rest on them, and stare at the walls in silence. How does it seem that they are moving towards me? Is the room getting smaller or am I getting bigger?  
  
No, I'm not getting bigger. I feel tiny enough as it is. Confusion has warped me into a disillusionment; is this real, or simply my mind showing me things I don't really want to see? I saw them all right; Paige and Phoebe. They were in my dream. Funny as it seems, they've never been in my dreams before. It's always been people who are already dead.   
  
Does that mean they are dead?  
  
I start to cough loudly, feeling my throat fill with hatred. I have to get rid of it, all this anger, fear, loathing, disgust. My body shudders as I try to disperse the awful feelings inside me, but still they remain. I'm not angry at them, I don't hate them, I don't fear them either. All these emotions; the loathing, terror and despising... they're all directed at me.  
  
For I remember what I did to them. And I remember that Rex Buckland was there, and I was in allegiance to him. And he commanded me to kill my sisters, and I paid heed. And that we fought, and that I struck Phoebe with my dagger. And that they disappeared. And that I found myself sitting up, struggling to breathe, choking out angry coughs and wishing I was dead.  
  
The walls spring back to where they were, further away again, when my door opens and my sisters pour in. "Oh, thank God," I hear myself utter, and reach out to them, willing them to my arms.  
  
But my happiness isn't to last. It never is. Paige glares at me with a face like thunder, and Phoebe picks up my bedside table-lamp, throwing it to the floor in rage. "How could you Piper?" she demands, "How could you kill your own sister?"  
  
I can't describe the feeling that smashes into me. It feels like I've leapt off a cliff, free-falled to the ocean underneath, and this was the force of my body hitting the water. "What?" I stutter, completely thrown off. "But I... I didn't!"  
  
"Yes you did," Paige joins Phoebe's side. They're both staring at me with loathing in their eyes. So I'm not the only one who hates myself. "You murdered her. You murdered her and you didn't even respect her enough to give her a decent burial. We found her Piper, we found her. She wasn't even properly in the ground."  
  
My back is pressing against the headboard, wanting to escape this assault. "I don't know what you're talking about," I cry. "Paige, Phoebe - I, I didn't kill her!"  
  
Phoebe sits on the end of my bed with tears in her eyes. "The knife was still in her back, Piper. When I touched it I had a premonition. Of the murder. I know it was you. Why did you do it?"  
  
"She wasn't even under the ground," Paige screamed. "You just dragged her carcasse out back and dumped it in the bushes! What kind of monster are you? the first time I ever see Prue properly she's outside, half-frozen solid and with a fucking blade stuck between her shoulders!"  
  
My head begins to pound incredibly, and I feel a scream building up inside my throat. Please, please stop, I silently beg. Just leave me alone!  
  
They won't go. They continue with this onslaught of accusation. I try to close my ears but their words are too hateful, too spiteful, and I can't avoid reacting to what they are saying to me. How could they think I murdered Prue?   
  
There's a high-pitched scream, it starts thinly at first, but gets louder and deeper as moments pass, until it's piercing my ears painfully. Phoebe and Paige wince slightly at the sound, but it makes no difference. When I stop screaming from despair, I begin to cry, my body racking as I lose all control over my emotions.   
  
My sisters continue to shout, accuse, berate, hate me. They never cease.  
  
* * *  
  
When Phoebe and Paige had heard Piper coughing loudly above them, they had rushed up the stairs with the intention of checking she was awake. They hadn't bothered knocking on her door, they'd just burst in, and found her crouched up against the headboard of her bed, her knees drawn up to her chin in a childlike protective position.  
  
When Piper saw them, she had extended her hands out towards them, searching, and uttered a few words: "Thank God." Her voice was relieved, but when Phoebe had tried to get to her, Piper had swung her arm to the side and knocked the lamp off her bedside table. It had fallen to the ground and shattered noisily.  
  
"Piper? Piper, are you okay?" Phoebe had attempted, trying to coax Piper's mind into a calmer state. A saner state. It hadn't worked. Instead, Piper had looked at her as if she'd just uttered some sort of incredulation.  
  
Her eyes had been huge, and dark. "But I..." she began, babbling. "I didn't!"  
  
Holding Phoebe's hand supportingly, Paige had stared at her sister questioningly. "You didn't what, sweetie?" The two sisters watched Piper imploringly.   
  
Piper had never looked more affected by such simple words. She had looked like Paige had just accused her of murder. It had turned out, however, that in Piper's mind, that was exactly what Paige had accused her of.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about," Piper had cried. "Paige, Phoebe - I, I didn't kill her!" She pressed herself up against her headboard, her white-knuckled fingers had gripped at folds in her duvet.  
  
Tears had quickly gathered in Phoebe's eyes, and she had half-stumbled to sit down on her sister's bed. She looked at her folded hands for a moment before resuming eye contact with Piper. "Who didn't you kill Piper?"  
  
At that moment, it had been too much for Paige. Rubbing a tough fist over her eyes, she hadn't been able to stop herself screaming in frustration. "God, Piper, what's wrong with you? Why won't you let us help you? Piper!" She didn't stop. Paige needed to vent her rage at Piper for doing this to her. How was she supposed to be a part of this family if one third of it was blocking her out like this? She was miserable. She didn't know how much longer she could remain a part of this.  
  
"Paige," Phoebe had warned, "You're scaring her." She had tried to close her ears when Piper began to scream, but she couldn't. Her sister was in so much pain but there was nothing she could do. There was nothing.  
  
Tears were pouring down Paige's cheeks when she'd collapsed onto the floor in agony, crying just like Piper was. "Why, Phoebe? Why is she doing this to us?"  
  
As much as it had hurt Phoebe to blame Piper for the pain she held inside her, she couldn't help herself. "I don't know, Paige. I don't know."  
  
Now they were sitting in Paige's room adjacent to Piper's, where they'd left their sister crying. Leo had stayed with her, and had clambered onto the bed beside his broken wife, laying beside her, silent.  
  
Phoebe and Paige were silent too. They had nothing to say to each other. They rarely did these days.  
  
Well, that wasn't true. In this instance, Paige had something to say. But she very much didn't want to.   
  
A small noise escaped her throat unintentionally, which brought Phoebe's attention to her. Perhaps it was best to just speak up now rather than continue living in this hell until she couldn't stand her sisters or herself any longer. "Phoebe," she began slowly. "I'm... I'm thinking of moving back out." 


	10. Those Old Feelings

A/N: Aww after all this time, people still read my story! Thank you! I was so happy I updated nice and fast... or my writer's block lifted a little for me to squeeze this chapter out, which, by the way, I had the most amazing fun writing. Enjoy!  
  
A/N: Reminder - last chapter Paige dropped the bombshell she wanted to move out. So you don't have to go back and check. Ain't I sweet?  
  
A/N: One last thing - language again my little friends. This time it's none other than Phoebe who's tarnishing our worlds with her horrendous vocabulary. And we thought she was such a nice girl (okay so we didn't. At all).  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
  
  
Phoebe stared at her sister. Her face was utterly blank; Paige's statement had shocked her completely. Slowly, her eyes began to narrow and her brow creased as a cold anger set in.   
  
Watching Phoebe's painstaking reaction to her words, Paige began to regret speaking. It hadn't been the best time to bring up her willingness to move out of the manor, to escape, but then again, in this house, was there ever a best time? Or even a good time?  
  
"What?" Phoebe choked through clenched teeth. She raised her eyes to look directly into Paige's and saw the small fear amidst defiance. And guilt. Slowly and slightly, Phoebe began to shake her head, her disapproval and hurt too much to hide. "You're just going to... abandon us?"  
  
How poetic, Paige thought to herself, once this family had abandoned her, and now it was her turn. Life always evened things out.   
  
The irony wasn't lost on Phoebe either. "I can't believe this," she began. "I just..."  
  
"Phoebe," Paige cut her off, even though it was clear not one of the two sisters really knew what to say. "I can't stand it here any longer. It feels like I'm only here to keep together the Charmed Ones, and I don't even know if the Charmed Ones even exist any more."  
  
Phoebe leapt up off the bed and whipped around to glare at her sister accusingly. "So you just run away, is that it?"   
  
Paige brought her legs together, physically trying to make herself smaller. If there was anything she'd had enough of in her life, it was fights with those she loved. But then again, did she love Phoebe? Did Phoebe love her? The answer to both of those questions was a straight-up no. "I'm in hell," Paige said somewhat admittedly.   
  
Silence fell over the two sisters at they both looked away from each other momentarily. Phoebe was the first to speak again. "It's not like this is my idea of sisterly bliss either, Paige," she told her sister. "There isn't a moment that goes past when I don't wish..." she trailed off, speech becoming difficult through her voice which was thick with emotion. "When I don't wish..." she attempted again, choking slightly on her tears but trying to swallow them back down.  
  
But Paige had gotten the message. "When you don't wish things were the way they were before," she finished Phoebe's sentence.  
  
Thinking Paige had understood her a little, and that this was a good thing, Phoebe connected her eyes with her sibling's and let a tear fall. "Yes," she whispered.  
  
Feeling the bitter pain building up inside her, Paige quickly stood up and glared at her older sister. "Right, that's all you ever wanted, isn't it? For things to be back the way they used to be. Back in the good old days, huh? Back when Prue was alive and I was a shadow!" She walked over to her closet, throwing it open. She was too angry to actually put into action what was running through her head, but she couldn't bear to be that close to Phoebe right then.  
  
"No - no that's not what I meant!" Phoebe cried, rushing to Paige's side and attempting to embrace her sister. "Paige, I-"  
  
Pushing Phoebe off, Paige stalked away to the other side of the room. "I don't want to hear it, Phoebe. I know that's exactly how you feel. I tried my hardest, and I'll give you that I'm sure you tried too, but nothing's changed. I'm still not your wonderful Prue, and you know what? I never will be. So I may as well just... get the hell out of here before I go insane too."  
  
Suddenly Phoebe found that rage was coursing through her own blood. She felt her cheeks heat up and anger will it's way into her stomach. "So this is it? When the going gets tough, Paige leaves her family to fend for themselves."  
  
"Isn't that what mom did to me?" Paige screamed, all her hidden hatred finding itself hurtling towards Phoebe. "Didn't this family abandon me? Let me refresh your memory - yes, you did! When I was a baby, no less!"  
  
Phoebe's jaw dropped at this atrocity. How dare Paige throw all this on her? "You're pinning that on us now? Mom and Sam did that for your own safety, for the protection of the Charmed Ones, so demons wouldn't find out about you and if they hadn't done it, you'd be dead by now!"  
  
"They did it because they were afraid of the Elders, not for any benefit of mine," Paige shot back. This was it; everything was coming out now. She couldn't stop herself. All of these thoughts, emotions, her sorrow... she had intended to keep them to herself for as long as she lived, but something inside her had just snapped. Her pillar of strength had found itself crumbling and dissolving right down to the ground, and all that was left was her pure emotion with no restraint.  
  
This didn't strike any sort of chord with Phoebe. For just like her sister, Phoebe also had unresolved issues that were begging to come out. It was horrendous that it had to be in this situation where she could be honest with herself - and Paige. "I get it," she said in much quieter tones, "You're just searching for someone to blame. Anyone but yourself, right?"  
  
"That's because it's not my fault!" Paige volleyed back, "I'm not the first one who's doing the abandoning here - I've been on the receiving end of it and maybe now it's your turn!"  
  
"You think I've had the perfect life? You think I'm so fucking happy all the time? I haven't been abandoned? Where is Cole, huh? Where is he? He's fucking evil, that's where he is!" Phoebe grabbed the open door of the bedroom and swung it hard, slamming it shut with force that chipped the paint on the sideboards. "You want an even better example?" she challanged, "Here's a great one. I was abandoned by my big sister at one of the times I needed her the most!"  
  
Perhaps she should've felt sad, or sympathetic at least, but Paige couldn't bring any emotion of the sort to the surface. As it happened, she was even more enraged at the mention of Prue.   
  
Continuing from where she began, Phoebe's eyes blazed with anger and misery. "Maybe you are more like her than we originally thought," she told Paige. "She left me, and now you're about to."  
  
"Don't you dare," Paige growled. "Don't you dare even start comparing me to her. You're always doing that! Sizing me up, testing me, what the hell is it achieving Phoebe, huh?" Her voice took on a mocking tone. "Have you got a little chart that you measure us up on? 'How much like Prue was Paige today?'"   
  
Changing her mind swiftly, Phoebe narrowed her spiteful eyes. "You'll never be like her," she spat, completely livid.  
  
If Paige had an offensive power, she would've used it long ago. "Damn right I won't," she hissed. "My ego couldn't handle it."  
  
Phoebe couldn't take it anymore. This so-called relation of hers was ultimately insulting her dead sister. "You bitch!" she screamed and lunged at Paige, delivering a well-aimed slap to her cheek. "She was the bravest, most selfless woman in the entire world-"  
  
Paige responded to Phoebe's attack by roughly shoving her heavily, having to take a step backwards from the force with which she pushed her older sister. "Well to be honest she sounds a lot better than the way you act."  
  
"What can I say," Phoebe uttered in a low voice, standing up from the bed where she'd landed after Paige had shoved her, "Some people just bring out the bitch in me."  
  
"Seems to me like that's all there is to you, Phoebe!" Paige yelled. "You're just a callous, selfish bitch!"  
  
"Fuck you," Phoebe shouted back, "I didn't ask for this to happen!"  
  
"And you think I did?" Paige retaliated, "I didn't ask to be born!"  
  
"Yeah, and neither did mom!" Phoebe screamed. As soon as the tiny echo of her voice died down and she saw the effect her terrible words had on her little sister, remorse flooded into her heart and clung there. "Oh God," she uttered and sat on the edge of the bed, before sinking onto the floor. "Paige, I-"  
  
"No," Paige cut her off, her voice equally as strangled. "You're right. I was a mistake. A stupid, stupid mistake. That's why mom got rid of me."  
  
When Phoebe looked over to see her distraught sister sitting on the floor, her face striken with agonising sadness, legs awkwardly drawn up, she couldn't hold herself back. Quickly she crawled on her hands and knees to Paige's side and gathered her little sister up into a tight embrace.   
  
Paige openly cried onto Phoebe's shoulder, her hot tears making her face feel stretched and sticky. Her burning eyes felt tired and swollen, and she just wanted to be snuggled into bed, warm and forgetful. She was thirsty, but her past had taught her that drink was never the long-term answer.  
  
As Phoebe held her little sister, she realised she was scared. Scared that Paige would keep to her word and leave them all alone. That was the last thing she wanted, in spite of all the things she'd just said to her. She felt sad and guilty and afraid.   
  
"I'm really sorry, Paige," Phoebe began quickly. "I didn't mean to-"  
  
"Phoebe, you don't have to apologise for your feelings," Paige stated calmly, "And I won't apologise for mine, except for what I said to hurt you."  
  
"Okay," Phoebe whispered quietly.   
  
There was a long, thick silence where the two sisters simply sat together leaning against the closet. The quiet was interrupted by the frequent snifflings and tiny whimpers as each woman tried to get a hold of her own tears. After a long while, Paige finally spoke. "Phoebe?" she questioned, her voice thin and ragged.  
  
Phoebe didn't reply, not trusting her own voice, but instead nudged Paige slightly, letting her know she was listening.  
  
Waiting another few seconds before asking her question, Paige took a shuddering breath. "Do you think... Piper will ever get better?"  
  
Even if she wasn't crying so hard, Phoebe still would not have spoken. 


	11. There

A/N: Wow, Jewel... somebody likes reviewing! Not that I don't appreciate it. Which I do. A lot. A whole lot. And yeah that's my favourite chapter too.  
  
A/N: What can I say about the new improved speedy updates? I forced a chapter out and it was like opening a... I'd say geyser but I know that's not the right spelling and A) I have no spellcheck at the moment and B) I can't be bothered, and also that word (spelt right) is too extreme. So since I forced out a chapter, it's been like opening a pleasant small dam where the river now flows safely and freely. I sound drunk, don't I? But as it happens, I am inspiration embodied! So let's get this god damn story finished!  
  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
  
  
Loading the last of her bags into her Volkswagon Beetle was no easy feat; Paige had some seriously bulky furniture that she didn't want to leave behind. Glad she'd chosen to rent out her old apartment rather than sell it, even though she felt bad about kicking out the current tenant with such short notice, at least she could live somewhere she knew - and felt a lot more comfortable in.  
  
Slamming the car door shut, she turned and shaded her eyes against the bright sun which hung lazily in the sky, and saw Phoebe standing in the manor doorway watching her. Grimacing, Paige made her way up the stairs to join her sister.   
  
"Are you sure about this?" Phoebe asked her, her voice heavy with concern. "Paige I..." She looked down at her own hands which were clasped about Paige's tightly as she considered her words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you out."  
  
"Phoebe," Paige tried to soothe her sister. "I'm just an orb away. I'm sorry too. This all just happened too soon, that's all. I'm not able to cope with taking care of Piper. And believe me, I feel terrible but really I just need to be back in my own space."  
  
She watched with sadness the solitary tear that trickled down Phoebe's cheek. Reaching over, she caught the salt-water on the end of her finger and wiped it from her sister's face, tracing her finger down Phoebe's jawline and lifting up her chin.   
  
As Paige gave her a wan smile, Phoebe couldn't help but laugh in spite of herself. "You're right," she said. "And I understand. These last months have been tough on us all. I can only imagine what it's been like for you, you... newbie."  
  
"And until I'm an old hand like you, I'll be fine living on my own."  
  
Phoebe nodded and mouthed the word 'okay' while Paige turned around and made her way back down the steps. When she'd reached the bottom, Phoebe called her name and Paige turned around, looking at her expectantly. "Did you just call me an old hag?" Phoebe asked, her voice half-serious.  
  
Laughing lightly, Paige gave a small wave and clambered into her suitcase-laden car. With one last glance at her frail sister standing waveringly on the steps, she pulled out and was gone.  
  
* * *  
  
When they fought I heard it. I heard every word when they fought. But I didn't hear it too. I heard it but I didn't hear it.   
  
That doesn't make sense even to me.   
  
I'm sitting in the attic. Nobody knows I'm here. I know I'm here, but I don't know why. I sit on the old rocking chair with the Book of Shadows resting on my lap. It's not open, so I sit and look at it, my fingers tracing the picture of the triquetra engraved on the front of it, it's wizened face staring back at me. I like to look at the Book. It holds no expectations for me now.  
  
Frowning, I look a little closer at the triquetra. Did it always look like that? I thought all three of the sections were connected in the middle... wasn't that right? It was supposed to be connected. Like we were. My face falls as realisation dawns - since the Charmed Ones were broken, perhaps this is what happened to the Book. It became broken, like I did.   
  
But something's battling with my memory, something's trying to fight through. Something I should be remembering, something important. Think, Piper, think! Back to just after It Happened, back to the months I was sane, I was not broken, the months I was sane. Yes, I remember now...   
  
Well, in some ways I was broken. I'd gone on a demon-bender - seeking them out before they could get to me, chasing them up, escaping. It had been a way of avoiding the arrival of Paige too, of getting to know her, of accepting that Prue was no more, and now we had the new, improved, younger model. Only she isn't improved. No. When I became a Fury I blamed her for my pain. In some ways I still do.   
  
They thought they'd fixed me when Leo and Paige brought me to Prue's grave. They thought I'd be okay after I'd completely lost it at the headstone. They were wrong. It felt like they were forcing Prue's death on me, drilling her absence into my thoughts, making it worse. I wouldn't accept - I couldn't accept it! How was I supposed to act when my one crash mat in the world suddenly got pulled out from underneath me and I was free-falling to the hard ground? Perfume smiles and flowers in my hair? No. I wouldn't lie to myself like that.  
  
My eyes fall onto the broken triquetra. Back when Prue had just left us I used to spend whole nights searching in this, picking and choosing what beast I'd like to chase that day. And I distinctly remember that the engraved symbol on the cover of the Book was connected in the middle! It was interlinked together! It was!   
  
But now, as I frown slightly in the haze of trying to use my mind clearly, I know that this symbol I look at is no longer the triquetra. But it didn't break apart when Prue died. No. Or when Paige arrived. She came to continue the Power of Three, there was no way the Power would've been broken because of her.  
  
Suddenly I recall a time when a demon caused Prue, Phoebe and I to become enraged with each other, to scream and cry and throw things and yell and we lost our powers. We lost our powers and we lost the Power of Three. And this is what the Book looked like! Yes! Paige and Phoebe had that monster fight that they thought I wouldn't hear or wouldn't understand. But I heard it, and now I understand it. I've caused all this. It's all me.  
  
The door slams below and it springs to mind that Paige had came into my bedroom about an hour ago and kissed my cheek, rubbing a hand down my face and looking sorrowfully into my eyes. "Goodbye," she had whispered, then walked away, leaving me with an immense feeling of sadness.  
  
This is all my fault.   
  
I should tell Phoebe. I need to show her the broken Book and try to fix it. Because I know there's still been demon attacks even since I've been... I'm not scared to say it... since I've been-  
  
"Crazy."  
  
Saying the word aloud seems to make it more final. More decided. It hurts that way. It makes me feel stupid and childish and selfish and weird. I didn't want this, okay? I didn't mean for it to happen like this! If nobody else will believe it, at least I have to. Yes, I believe. And another thing I believe is that I have to fix this.   
  
When I glance up from the Book and see Prue standing not too far away I am unsure of how to react. There is a painfully long silence where she stands and I sit and she stares and I stare. Eventually, as if on cue, we both move together at the same time. I get up and she moves towards me and suddenly we're in a tight embrace, her arms around my back as my own entwine around her shoulders. But it's different this time. This time, it feels real. "Prue," I sigh, my collective breath escaping warmly.  
  
As soon as I can bear myself to let go, I push myself away, holding her by the forearms and look at her, not scrutinising, but just as if I'm checking she's actually here.  
  
"Piper," she speaks. "I know you're going through something terrible. But I've been dead for six months."  
  
"No," I say quickly, trying to deny her of the right to be dead.  
  
She responds by walking past me and picking the Book off the floor and setting it back on the podium. I watch as she traces a finger over the symbol sadly. "I didn't think you'd take it this hard," she tells me, not looking up from the Book. "Piper I didn't want to leave you the way I did-"  
  
"Well why did you?" I cry angrily. "Why did you leave me?"  
  
"Because that's just... it's..." For a moment Prue catces herself, looking completely bewildered. It's obvious she doesn't even know herself why It Happened. Finally she comes to a fabricated conclusion. "It was just my time to go."  
  
I wet my lips and stare at her dirtily. How dare she come up with such an excuse? "Don't lie to me Prue," I growl. "Don't give Them the satisfaction."  
  
"I'm sorry Piper, it's the truth," Prue tells me as if she doesn't really believe it, I can hear the cold anger in her voice that's she's trying to hide. She didn't want to go. She wants to be here with me now, I know she does.   
  
My attention is stolen by the attic door opening. "Piper sweetie are you up here? I heard voic-" Phoebe stops short when she sees me. Or past me. "Piper, what are you doing?"  
  
I pace towards her, feeling my sticky brow cool in the breeze with which she entered. "Look Phoebe," I whisper, not being able to contain my huge grin. "She came back. She's here!"  
  
Phoebe walks right up to me and cups my face in both her hands, making sure I look exactly into her eyes. "Who's here, honey?" she queries.   
  
Wondering if she's joking with me, I turn around to present to her the return of our sister when I am suddenly smashed back to Earth. "Where did she go?" I mutter. "Where did she go? Phoebe where did she go?"  
  
"Where did who go, Piper?" Once again Phoebe is by my side, trying to get me to look at her and nothing else. Her face is agitated and concerned. The colourful mist around her head glows a bright orange. It's a warm colour, but not warm enough to heat the freezing chill that's stabbing into my heart.  
  
I break away from Phoebe's grasp and walk over to the podium where Prue was mere seconds before. "Prue?" I call her name, trying to get her to come back. "Prue, Phoebe's here now. Please come back!"  
  
I don't see Phoebe's face crumple with sadness but I do acknowledge her walking over to the rocking chair and picking the Book of Shadows up from the ground before it. How did it get back over there? Phoebe slowly walks towards me and gently rests the Book back on the podium before letting out a whimpering sigh. "Piper," she suddenly begins, "Prue wasn't here. She's never here. All the times you think you see her, it's just your mind."  
  
No. That's not true. I must defend myself. "It was her this time, I know it. Phoebe, you have got to believe me. Please. I'm telling the truth, I swear."  
  
Phoebe looks at me, her big brown eyes brimming with tears. "I'm sorry Piper. I can't. I can't believe anything you say anymore." She lowers her eyes and looks at our family's history condensed into one object: the Book of Shadows. "Oh my God," she mutters. "No, not again."  
  
She's noticed that the triquetra has broken. I watch her watching the Book, as if something's going to happen and it magically comes together again, but nothing does.   
  
"You fought," I say quietly, but Phoebe still looks at me sadly and reproachfully. "You fought," I repeat, "And you yelled. And now we're broken."  
  
"Oh, Piper," Phoebe moans, and pulls me into a hug. "Our powers." I can't react. I stay rigid, my hands at my sides. My thoughts are too dominated with Prue and if she was really here or not. Either I saw her and she was real or I didn't and she's just a part of me being crazy again.   
  
Whatever it was, I feel like today I've made a breakthrough.  
  
I learned that this is my fault.  
  
And that if it was my fault we got into this, it must be within my power to get us out. Perhaps my clear-headedness which I experience now is permanent. Perhaps I should treat this like it's a demon to be vanquished.   
  
But I'll get us out.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Was it just me or did that darn Piper seem somewhat LESS crazy? Hmm... sounds like I have something up my sleeve, doesn't it? Well, your guess is as good as mine! Next chapter up by New Year. Oh yes, that fast.  
  
This isn't a great chapter, but I thought I'd wait til the end until I told you so ha. 


	12. Not Quite There At All

A/N: So I thought this chapter was shitty, and I got Kit-The-Cat to read it so she could point out the crappest parts, and she read it and bloody told me my spelling mistakes. That was so no help at all. Okay, a little. But come on. But she's adamant it's fine so if you guys don't like it BLAME KIT!  
  
A/N: Thanks Kit!  
  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
I gently hum an old tune as I rock back and forth. Behind me is the bustle of Paige and Phoebe and a man talking frantically about something which if I bothered to tune in, I might care about too. But all I can think about is Prue. She dominates my thoughts, with her shiny black hair and gold bordering mist. The golden colour around her face was like a halo. She looked more like an angel that Leo ever does. Leo, that's who Paige and Phoebe are with now.   
  
Little things I forget. Well, they seem little until I remember them then realise they're actually really very important. Like people's names. Not just anybody, like the neighbour or a third cousin thrice removed; but important people, like my sisters, like my husband.  
  
I hate myself.  
  
Phoebe comes up behind me and places a hand on my head, which travels down my cheek as she walks past and sits down beside me, twisting her body on the couch so she's facing me. "We have to talk," she tells me. "Do you think you're up for it?"  
  
Nodding slowly, I try to smile but I can't. My face remains as expressionless as ever. Paige perches on the edge of the coffee table but her eyes are looking over my head. Then I feel a palm pressed into the back of my neck and I get scared. If Paige and Phoebe is sitting in front of me, then who is touching me? Paige looks afraid as she watches at the demon behind me, and I feel my back stiffen and go rigid in my fear. Thinking quickly, I flick out my hands, intending on freezing the room so I can secure myself and my sisters' safety. But the hand continues to move, massaging me slightly, kneading into my neck and spreading onto my shoulders. I try to activate my power again; no luck.  
  
"Piper, what're you doing?" Paige is narrowing her eyes at me.   
  
Ignoring her, I leap up, twist around and aim a punch at my assailant. Instead he catches my shaking fist easily in his hand. "It's me Piper," he intones, his face looking hurt. And of course, it's Leo. And of course, the Power of Three is broken.  
  
"Watch out," Phoebe cries and before I know it, my sisters are upon me, wrestling me to the ground and pinning me down, my arms above my heads. Terrified that this isn't a dream; that this is really happening, I begin to writhe my body around, screaming, coarsely yelling at them to get off me, but they pay no heed. Don't they trust me anymore?  
  
Phoebe's face appears in my vision, and I feel the weight of somebody climbing onto my stomach in order to hold me down better - I must be too strong for them. I buck my hips upwards, trying to dislodge Paige from her overpowering seat, but she clings on. Phoebe grabs my face and forces me to look at her. "Piper!" she cries, her voice brimming with desperation. "Piper, calm down! It's us!"  
  
"I know!" I shout, my face contorted with rage. "What the hell are you attacking me for?" Once again I lash out, managing to free my right hand which I use to throw a punch at Paige's leg, striking her with all my might. It does nothing to get rid of her though. If anything, she sits heavier on my stomach, her knees digging into the tender spots at my sides causing me to release grip on her leg and try to stop moving; pleading silently for her to stop.  
  
Finally I come to a rest, breathing quickly and trying to calm myself but failing. My chest bobs sharply, the sound of my breath quick and erratic. Sweat makes my face and body feel sticky and rough, but I remain still. It feels like Paige is jamming knives into my sides.  
  
How do I make them stop? I lean back, baring my teeth and squeezing shut my eyes, trying to defeat the pain using my stupid mind. "I thought he was a demon," I splutter, "But he's not. I made a mistake, okay?" Instantly Paige's grip on me relaxes and I open my eyes to see she and Phoebe share a dubious look. "I'm telling the truth!" I cry in a pleading voice.   
  
After what feels like half an hour of silent exchanges with each other, Phoebe lets go of my arms while Paige clambers back off. It feels like I'm floating through the air, weightless. Grabbing a hand each, my sisters haul me to my feet and gently throw me onto the couch. Leo has long gone. It doesn't surprise me that he didn't stay. Although I don't notice much these days, I have certainly noticed his longer and more frequent absences. He is distancing himself, as I have. Except my way proved to be a lot more extreme.  
  
This time Paige sits beside me, placing a rough hand on my forearm, and Phoebe seats herself on the coffee table facing me. They both look as grim as Death himself. Herself. Itself. I can't remember. Prue would've known.  
  
"I knew it was Leo," I say huffily.  
  
"Can't be too sure," Phoebe mutters. "It's happened before."  
  
Rolling my eyes in annoyance, I turn to Paige. "Why did you leave? What do you think you're playing at?"  
  
"Now I'm getting hassle from you?" Paige moans. "It just feels like all this is happening too soon. I can't handle living here - I need my own space."  
  
"But you moved out this morning and two hours later you're back already, don't you think that means something?" I say with an angry frown. Rather than reply, Paige hastily looks at Phoebe who looks just as strangely confused as she does. Then slowly, they both direct their attention to me. I stare back at them. "What?"  
  
They both look at me as if in a new light. What is it they're searching for? What's different that they have to stare? It disconcerts me and it hurts me and it throws me off-balance and it's weird.   
  
Not that they matter anymore; something's come up that's far more disconcerting and weird. For the second time today, I'm seeing my dead sister and it feels like it's real. But I know better this time than to mention it; I'm almost positive my sisters on this side of the 'great divide' won't be able to see her. This makes me question myself. If I'm the only one who can see her, is she really there?   
  
She's standing in the kitchen entrance, leaning against the border and playing with the bottom of her black vest top. She's silent and she's weak. I need to help her. I need to go to her. About her there is a sense of urgence which I can practically feel resonating from her paling skin unto my own. Slowly, she purses her lips and rolls her eyes upwards coupled with a short nod of the head, wanting me to excuse myself. But how can I? Paige and Phoebe will follow me, I know they will.   
  
In their care they're drowning me.  
  
Where has all this consciousness suddenly come from? Two days ago I couldn't tell a dream from reality without getting pinched but now it's almost like I'm normal, except that I'm half asleep most of the time. That's what it feels like - I'm asleep but I'm aware. As if I was drunk and its the morning after and I'm trying to remember the previous night through the haze and fog.  
  
It's not enough, I need to think clearly. Suddenly my vision blurs into a jumble of colours and bulky shapes. No. No! I was so close! I was so close to being okay again! I... I...  
  
There's pain to my thigh, like something hit it and hit it hard. It takes a few moments for me to register that the floor most certainly did not hit me - in this case I was the assailant. Hot tears flow down my sticky cheeks as I wail at the unfairness of this!  
  
Not even knowing what's happening to me, I feel sudden sharp pain - like somebody has reached inside me and closed their fist around my heart and is squeezing it. Oh god it hurts! I can't breathe in, the pain! A thousand knives bluntly stabbing into my chest, a bandage wrapped around me again and again so tightly I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't... I can't see Prue anymore, I can't see at all!  
  
What's happening to me? Am I dying? Am I having a heart attack? Whenever I morbidly imagined how it would feel, it mirrored the pain I feel now. The shock, suddenness, terror, agony.   
  
Maybe I should just give up. Do I not deserve a little peace?   
  
Over the roaring of a tempestuous ocean in my ears, I hear them scream. I know not what, I know not why. Perhaps it's cries of horror, of pain, of agonising uselessness, foreboding pity. Or maybe they think it's too much also; maybe they're shouting "Just go with it Piper! Let it wash over you, let it take you, go with Prue. Go and be with Prue."  
  
I don't know which I'd rather they say.  
  
Because I don't want to hurt them but I want to be with Prue.   
  
Yes, the pain has gone. But I'm all too familiar with this scene. I'd laugh if I could, that I know what's happening, that it hurts to have the knowledge that at present my body is unconscious but my mind is not. Here's a thought - maybe I did die! I don't know what death feels like and this could be it. Prue would know.  
  
She always knows.  
  
*   
  
Well, it wasn't a heart attack.  
  
Apparently it was a panic attack. Well, whatever it was, it certainly was an attack. It felt like a heart attack. After all, my heart was being attacked, wasn't it? I didn't imagine all that pain, all that agonising writhing, all that terror. What must I have looked like, on the floor, flailing like a complete fool. Why do they still put up with me? I'm about as useful as a house plant. Perhaps a cactus. Because they have thorns and prickly parts, and I seem to hurt a lot of people who I come into contact with.   
  
Yes, I'll start my new life as a cactus.  
  
No wait, I don't want to hurt people anymore. I should be something less offensive. Like a... a dandelion or something. Dandelion. Ha! That's amusing. I understand where the 'lion' part of the name comes from, what with those yellow petals reaching out in that perfect circle, but 'dande'? Maybe it's an alternative spelling of 'dandy' which means good. "Hey, doesn't that flower look like a lion?" "Yep, it sure is dandy." That could be how it got named.   
  
Dandelion it is. I'll start my new life as a dandy lion. Hear me roar and think me magnificent. For I am a lion, and a dandy one at that.  
  
Why the hell am I harping on flowers? Don't I have anything better to think about?  
  
In this empty time and place I think about the lonely face watching me from through the space throw tender kisses and who I chase where to thy ground I shall lay waste to all things good and all things chaste and in this time and in this place lay down beside my woeful face and think of how thy body's grace is shriveled and ugly and such a waste. 


	13. Strike Three

A/N: Geez... what is it with you guys and liking the chapters I hate? Well what can I say about this one? The ending is superb.  
  
A/N: Heather, wow. You liked that chapter a leetle *too* much. But yeah, random rhyming IS fun! Thanks.  
  
A/N: Thanks to Kit and Falcon for... pointing out spelling errors. Honestly you guys, you'd think you'd have something constructive other than small stuff like that but... *sighs* Yes, in otherwords, I had Kit check it again. *shudders*  
  
A/N: Wow, four A/Ns today! Once again (though I think you've come to expect it) language. Damn Paige and her mouth!  
  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
  
Paige traced over her lips with her index finger. She felt pain in her abdomen but ignored it, passing it off as repercussions from the latest demon attack. Fighting without Piper was like eating without food: it just didn't work. But she was practically a vegetable most of the time, or babbling or jumping about like a deranged kangaroo and frankly they couldn't afford to utilise her in battle; it was far too dangerous.  
  
If only the demons would take a vacation just now until Piper got better. Who was Paige kidding - Piper get better? That was a joke at any rate. You only had to look at her for an instant, unqualified yet accurate, diagnosis: insane.  
  
At the moment Paige was sitting on the edge of her bed playing with the remote for her CD player. Nothing was playing, but she just wanted something to distract herself with. Being in her own apartment, alone, didn't feel the way she thought it would. She had thought it would be great to get some peace and quiet, some time to herself, some space, but that wasn't the way it was working out. Instead the place had an eerie silent atmosphere about it, and she wasn't used to feeling quite so lonely.  
  
Especially after her midnight visit from a demon last night. She'd awoken to see a man standing across the room, his outline framed in the window by the moonlight. She didn't move because if he attacked her, she couldn't protect herself or orb out. But he seemed to only be watching her, calculating. He looked like someone she recognised. He looked like Cole.  
  
If she told Phoebe, the idiot would probably go running after him crying love or something. Paige didn't want the extra hassle. Maybe she should tell Leo.   
  
Still, she managed to feel annoyed when Leo himself orbed in with Phoebe clutching onto his arm. "Don't you guys know how to knock?" she snarled, then her frown relaxed. "I'm sorry, you just startled me, that's all."  
  
Phoebe apologised and let go of Leo who promptly orbed out. Either this was something he didn't want to stand in on or it was true: Leo was starting to make their relationship strictly business. Phoebe didn't sit down. She was here with a purpose. "This isn't working," she said shortly.  
  
Frowning, Paige glanced up. "What isn't?" It sounded as if Phoebe was about to break up with her or something.  
  
"You, living here," Phoebe continued. "It's just... no. Paige. Enough is enough. You have to come back right now." On Paige's silent response, Phoebe felt herself begin to get angry but bit her sharp tongue. "Look, you can't even orb, anymore. None of us have our powers, and the last thing we need is to be separated. Demons knock even less than I do." Her attempt at a joke did nothing to remove the scowl on Paige's face, or her own. "Somebody could get hurt, or worse, all because we're not together."  
  
Standing up, Paige placed the remote control beside the CD player and turned to face her sister, her skin bristling at the prospective argument she could sense. "Phoebe we've been through this and I understand where you're coming from. But I'm staying put."  
  
Anger sprung onto Phoebe's face. She didn't know whether she'd expected Paige to agree or not, or if she even cared; perhaps she was just here looking for a fight, and if the latter was what she wanted, she was about to receive it. "Why? Why are you being so selfish?"  
  
"Oh I'm being lectured on being selfish by you?" Paige glared. "That's a new one."  
  
This wasn't what Phoebe had expected - she had no idea what Paige was talking about, unless it was just a throwaway insult. But her suspicions were that it wasn't. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"   
  
"I've heard enough of the stories to know all about your Cole issues. You couldn't keep your stupid hands away from him! You risked Piper and Prue's lives countless times all in the name of so-called love!"  
  
"It was love!" Phoebe returned. "I mean- it, it is love! We... Cole... he, he would never hurt us because he loved me!"  
  
Paige shook her head in disgust. "If he's so in love with you, how come he's roaming the Underworld right now, probably planning how to off us once and for all? I wouldn't doubt he knows we're powerless right now and is probably on his way here!"  
  
Clenching her hands into tiny little fists, Phoebe glowered at Paige. "That's not true," she spat. "Evil or not, Cole would never come near me or my sisters."   
  
"Then who was in here last night?"  
  
Silence. Phoebe froze, shocked. That was an extremely unexpected statement. "What?"  
  
Paige's jaw tightened. "I had to pretend to be asleep. I had no protection and couldn't orb. From photos I'd seen, it looked like him. He was standing there, just watching me. Then he disappeared."  
  
Not knowing what to make of this, Phoebe was quiet for a moment longer while her brain registered what Paige had just told her. Then she went straight into denial. "No, it wasn't him," she told Paige as if she knew better. "You were dreaming."  
  
"I wasn't dreaming."  
  
"Then you're lying!" It wasn't something Phoebe could handle right now, the prospect of her ex-lover returning with an alternative agenda. "You're just saying that to get to me!"  
  
Paige rolled her eyes. "Knew I should've told Leo and not you," she muttered.  
  
"Shut up!" Phoebe yelled. "You don't know Cole! You're just making it all up! He'd never hurt us!"  
  
"That so?" Paige challenged. "Are you willing to risk it?"  
  
Deciding that she couldn't bear any more Cole talk, Phoebe swiftly changed the subject. "Come home," she demanded sternly and with a hardened look in her eye.  
  
"This is my home," Paige retorted. "Phoebe, are you here to fight with me? Because that's fine with me. If you must know, I've been feeling a little edgy too recently, worrying my ass off that your demon ex is gonna come and kill us all now that we're powerless and vulnerable. So I'd quite like to get some of that out, and we had such a blast last time I figured hey, why not? Beats therapy!"  
  
Sweat was beginning to touch Phoebe's brow and her eyes narrowed. Paige was making her feel so damn enraged! What was it about this woman that could get her so angry? "Paige. I'm not here to fight," she lied. "This is for the best in the interests of the Charmed Ones." That part wasn't a lie. If they were to fix the Power of Three, they needed to be together. But the way this was going, it didn't look like the Power was going to be back in one piece anytime soon.   
  
"It's always about the Charmed Ones with you isn't it? Well you know what? I quit. I've had enough of all this shit, the innocent saving, the innocents we lost, the death, the goddamn staring down the barrel of a gun every fucking day of our lives that is being Charmed. It's not charming at all. It's stupid and it's crap and it's us begging to be killed."  
  
Obviously Paige was feeling just as loathsome as Phoebe was. They completely repelled each other, and both weren't shy on making it clear. "How are you my sister?" Phoebe cried. "I don't understand how someone as conceited as you could be related to me!"  
  
"Oh believe me the idea's even uglier from this angle," Paige shot back and her eyes flickered up to Phoebe's hair; something she clearly wasn't a fan of.  
  
So not only was Paige insulting her personality, but she'd moved onto her looks. Phoebe felt murderous. "Now you're just being petty," she growled.  
  
"No, what's petty is your excuse to come over here and fight with me. We both know that's why you're really here, Freebie-"  
  
"Name calling now, Paige? Oh that's mature."  
  
"And that's the oldest comeback in the book. You're just here to fight and you know it, but you're being so pathetic as to make up some dumb excuse that you want me back in that mental hospital house of yours!"  
  
The final straw: attacking Piper.  
  
With one sudden move, Phoebe had delivered a slap to Paige's cheek. The noise of it resounded around the room like an everlasting echo, the first time either sister had blatantly struck the other.   
  
Looking away from Phoebe for a moment, it took Paige a few moments to register what had just happened. Then she glanced up and saw Phoebe looking just as shocked as she felt. It sunk in: that bitch had just hit her! It didn't hurt much physically, but to Paige's ego... a cold glaze washed into her eyes and she fixed Phoebe with a harsh stare.  
  
Phoebe regretted what she did as soon as she realised she'd done it. How could she hit her own sister? She was about to apologise when she saw the look in Paige's eyes. 'Sorry' wasn't going to cut it. As Paige took a step forward, Phoebe took a step back. She had suddenly realised just how big a deal this whole thing was. She didn't want to fight with Paige anymore.   
  
But Paige still did. Her tight fists began to shake with pure rage as she began slowly walking towards Phoebe, her eyes glittering with anger and hatred. She couldn't speak; or do anything. All she knew was that once she reached Phoebe, she was going to do something she was going to regret.   
  
"Paige I-" Phoebe began, not quite knowing what to say. "I'm, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I just, I was angry, that's all. I didn't mean to hit you. I'm sorry."  
  
Baring her teeth in animal passion, Phoebe's words simply washed over Paige. The eldest sister had tapped into a rarely seen temper that Paige had hardly ever felt before. Sure she got annoyed and angry at things, but this was the real deal. A cool, contemplatative demeanour had pushed itself on top of her stiflingly hot rage, and the two emotions were working together to fuel her mind. She was beyond control. And she was going to kill Phoebe.  
  
The glint in Paige's eyes told Phoebe that something was not right. "Paige," she tried again. "Calm down and we'll talk this over like adults, okay?"  
  
As Paige walked towards Phoebe who was pacing backwards hurriedly, she stooped to pick up a metal baseball bat which was lying by the window.  
  
"Oh god," Phoebe uttered. "Paige, you're kidding right? Paige?"  
  
Still advancing, Paige's hard eyes never left Phoebe's. "I usually keep this beside my bed, for protection," she explained in a cool and monotonous voice. "But last night when Cole was in here it was gone. And here it is, all the way over by the window. I wonder how it got there."  
  
Phoebe was almost at a wall now. She didn't have many options. She couldn't hope to fight Paige when the girl had a heavy weapon like that, and she could see the door was locked. It would take too long to unlock it and make her escape. She was trapped. She was trapped and useless and terrified. "Paige, listen to me," she began in a shaking voice. Her entire body was shuddering with fear.   
  
"I don't want to listen anymore," Paige told her simply. "I want to play."  
  
"Paige, look at yourself! You don't want to do this!"  
  
A slow smirk crept onto Paige's face. "Oh but I do," she sneered, and raised the bat over her head. 


	14. Peach Flavour

A/N: My reaction to some of your reviews - wow. Thank you.   
  
A/N: This chapter is happening at the same time as the last one, so when this finishes, it's the exact same time as it was at the end of chapter 13. You remember... Paige with a baseball bat over Phoebe's head? Yeah you do.  
  
A/N: Just finished writing it now, this is longer than I expected, but yeah I really like it. Does that mean it's bad?? Enjoy (hopefully!).  
  
A/N: Yeah. Don't know if 'mom' was alive at the point the flashbacks are sent but it's so not important. For the sake of this, she is okay? Okay.  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
  
Slowly I peel the lid of the yoghurt. It makes a small tearing noise, quietly objecting, but it's pathetic and weak against me. They say I don't eat enough anymore. That I don't eat anything. That I'm getting thin and rakish. A rake. What a stupid thing to get compared to. Granted, it's thin, but other than that... I don't think I look like a long bit of wood with a metal comb on the end do I?  
  
Unless I do and nobody ever told me...   
  
Oh dear, that's not very attractive at all! Why is Leo married to me then? He can't want me physically because I look like a garden tool, and mentally I'm as if I've been chewed up by the lawn mower more than once. Then what? He likes the security, the home, the food, use of what little money I have?   
  
I bet all those time he's off to his other charges it's other women. Charges would be an apt word, they're probably prostitutes. Leo's spending my money on some cheap whores! He has to be! The Elders wouldn't assign him other charges alongside the Charmed Ones would They? I bet that's what They are too - Elders, older women. His mistresses. Or younger. Oh god I bet he's screwing a nineteen year old while I'm sitting here preparing for imminent spinsterhood. A nineteen year old with tight skin and cherry lips. No Piper, you're only twenty-nine. But that's ten whole years more than nineteen! That cheating bastard!  
  
I like yoghurt. It's creamy and milky and fun to eat. Licking the bottom of the lid first before starting on the contents of the pot. Rather than use a spoon, I drink it like it was a beverage. It gets on my nose. So I drink some more and more gets on my nose. I can smell it. Cherry flavoured.   
  
"Use a spoon Piper, you'll make a mess."  
  
"But mom-"  
  
"And you can't possibly manage all of that big yoghurt. Have one of the smaller ones."  
  
"I can mom! I promise!"  
  
There's a noise from behind me in the kitchen and I turn around slowly. Seeing Prue doesn't shock me anymore. She's putting the kettle on. Coffee-freak. I swear that girl is addicted to caffeine.  
  
Once she's clicked the kettle on, Prue turns and gives me an exasperated look. "There's yoghurt on your nose," she says, then breaks into a broad smile. "You look just like you did when you were a little kid."  
  
I smile back and wipe my nose with my sleeve, another childhood reflection. "Once you poured yoghurt down Phoebe's back."  
  
She's silent for a moment then laughs quietly then louder until I join in and we're both screaming with mirth so much that we don't notice the kettle boiling over. Cole takes it off the burner. "Insane laughter all by yourself Piper? Nice work."  
  
"Prue-" I start, but she's gone. Why does she always leave when somebody else gets here?   
  
Cole raises his eyebrows. "Prue? Excellent! She was here?"  
  
I glance up at Cole's sadistic leering face. "Yes," I say simply, not expecting any positive reaction from him. "We were talking about when we were kids, and once Prue poured yoghurt down Phoebe's back. She smelt like peach for a while and was screaming and crying. Prue got sent to her room but I brought her a cookie from downstairs and gave it to her so she wouldn't be sad."  
  
Cole sits down opposite me, placing the kettle on the table without a heat mat. It'll burn. He leans forward, his chin cupped in one hand, and looks right into my eyes. "You know, I should be killing you right now," he says with complete seriousness.  
  
"Want a yoghurt?" I ask pleasantly. "Mom never thought I could finish a whole one, but I can now. Look!" I proudly show him the empty pot I have just finished. "I promised her that I could and I can!"  
  
He shakes his head but watches silently while I get up and put the pot in the trash. I then lean over his shoulder and pick up the kettle and start making coffee. I pour two cups. I give him one and sit down once more. Cole is staring at his coffee distastefully. "Piper you've given me a mug of boiling water."  
  
"Drink up now," I encourage, "It's good. It's the expensive coffee not that instant crap Paige likes."  
  
Cole's eyes brighten up at the mention of my sister's name. "Paige!" he grins. "Yes, how is she?"  
  
I take a sip of my coffee. Strangely, it tastes quite bland. Maybe we should stop buying the expensive kind. Waste of money for something this tasteless and when I look at it it's discoloured. It's not even proper coffee colour. It's clear. I vow not to buy this brand again. I then realise Cole asked me a question. "She's fine," I muse, not really knowing. "She moved out."  
  
"I know," he replies. "As a matter of fact, I saw her last night." A tiny smirk is on his face as he awaits my reaction.  
  
"Better not tell Phoebe," I joke laughingly.   
  
My statement seems even funnier to Cole, who gets a strange wild look in his eye and laughs strongly. He slaps his palm onto the table. The coffee in the mugs ripples. "No, we better not tell Phoebe huh? Piper you don't remember anything that's happened in the last while, do you?"  
  
"Of course I remember," I say scoldingly. "I got married to Leo, but then he cheated on me with a nineteen year old slut. And Rex Buckland came and hired me to kill my sisters but I fell asleep so didn't, and then Prue came and moved the Book of Shadows and fell in a river and I had some yoghurt and this nasty coffee and Phoebe went to see Paige just a while ago."  
  
There's a long silence while Cole stares at me in utter disbelief. His eyes goggle and he seems completely speechless. It's as if he isn't sure whether to belief a word I say or pass it all off as psychotic ramblings. But I know when I'm being crazy and I know when I'm not, and right now, I'm not.  
  
Cole leans back with a look of satisfaction on his face. "Piper?" he begins, "You just made me like you a whole lot more."  
  
"You mean you didn't like me?" I choke, hurt at this statement.  
  
"Hell, I was gonna kill you!" Cole exclaims and starts to laugh. He stands up and paces arond the kitchen. "But you just had to charm your way out of it, didn't you, you little lunatic! Honestly, you're so screwed up I want to keep you around just to amuse me! You're a fucking psycho!"  
  
His words have no meaning to me; they've gone right over my head. Sometimes, even though I don't mean it, people can be talking to me but I don't hear. All I can do is listen to their tones and decipher the meaning from that. Cole's tone is jovial and approving, so he must be saying something nice. I smile and nod along as if I'm in complete agreement with everything he says. If he was yelling and throwing things I would've had to ask him to leave. "Do you want me to get Phoebe?" I ask.  
  
Cole stops laughing and fixes me with a confused stare. "I thought she was at Paige's," he mutters. His voice has taken on a much more serious and caring tone. "Is she here?" he asks hopefully.  
  
"No, she's at Paige's," I tell him. "Didn't I already mention that?"  
  
There's more silence until Cole breaks into a huge grin. "Piper, you're priceless," he enthuses. "But if you don't mind, I think I will leave a little note here for Phoebe."  
  
I watch while he gets the phone notepad and scribbles a letter for my sister. It takes him quite a while. I ask him if he wants a yoghurt: he refuses - politely, mind. So I get one for myself, peach this time. It smells like when Prue poured peach yoghurt down Phoebe's back when we were kids. Phoebe was crying and screaming and Prue was laughing and so was I, but in secret. But Prue got sent to her room so I brought her a cookie to make sure she wasn't sad.  
  
By the time I've licked the lid of the yoghurt pot, Cole has finished writing. He holds up the note and sticks it to the fridge with a magnet. "Make sure she gets that," he requests.   
  
Nodding, I stand up, sensing he's about to leave. "Can I read it?" I ask waveringly, feeling like a little girl.  
  
He smiles. "It's not like it's going to make any sense to you, so knock yourself out. Literally if you want!" He laughs again and walks over to me, talking my hands. He then places a kiss on my forehead. "I've had a nice time with you here Piper," he tells me. "I'd glad I didn't kill you right away."  
  
"Me too," I whisper back. "Do you want to stay a bit longer?"  
  
He presses his lips together regretfully and bows his head, still clutching my hands. "Sorry Piper, I have some people to take care of and a some spells to have made. But we'll meet again soon, I promise."  
  
"How about tomorrow night, for dinner?" I suggest.  
  
Pausing, Cole lets go of me and looks me up and down with a strange smile on his face, as if he's not sure whether he's happy or not. "Okay," he says eventually. "It's a date."  
  
Then he shimmers out and I brush my hair out of my face. I rub a finger over my lips thoughtfully and then dip my pinky finger into the yoghurt before placing it into my mouth and licking it off.   
  
"That was a bit close," Prue says.  
  
"We're friends, that's all," I reply matter-of-factly. "He's coming over for dinner."  
  
"So I heard," Prue mutters. "So let's see what's on this note of his." She walks over to the fridge and pulls the letter off. The magnet falls to the floor but nobody bothers to pick it up. "Dearest Phoebe, by now you may have caught wind of my plans and are deciding what to do. Piper's crazy and Paige is only going to get worse. And who's going to bear the brunt of this? You, my sweet." Laughing, Prue extends her arm towards me and pretends the letter is directed at me. She puts on a mock dramatic voice and continues to read. "So perhaps I can offer a route of escape. A better life. I am sure you still love me and I know I still love you. It's never-ending. So please, come away with me and live here as my Queen. I can't live without you Phoebe. Please. I love you. PS - Don't let Piper make you coffee... it comes out somewhat watery."  
  
With a loud scream of laughter Prue grabs me and pulls me close to her face. "Oh, Piper," she gushes, "I can't live without you. Please, be my Queen!"  
  
I grin and laugh too. "Oh anything for you my love! Give me a better life!"  
  
"Well Piper," Prue giggles, "If it makes you feel any better, I think your coffee is the best." She takes Cole's mug and downs the lot.   
  
Still laughing, I pin the letter back onto the fridge for Phoebe and turn around to talk to Prue again. But she's gone. Instantly my smile fades as I search the room quickly. It's bad enough when she disappears when somebody else comes in, but when we're alone?  
  
Sadly, I sit back at the table and pick up my yoghurt. I'm not hungry any more.  
  
"Piper, I told you you wouldn't be able to finish it but you were adamant you could, so finish it."  
  
"I'm not hungry mommy."  
  
"I don't care. You're not leaving the table until it's all done."  
  
"But mom! I can't!"  
  
"Oh Piper... if only you'd listen to me every once in a while."  
  
"Mommy! Mommy! Prue poured yoghurt down my back! Mom!"  
  
"Mom it was an accident!"  
  
"Phoebe look at you! You're a mess! Prue, go to your room. Now!"  
  
"Mom I finished my yoghurt."  
  
"Oh... well done Piper, good girl."  
  
"Can I have a cookie?"  
  
"But I thought you weren't... oh, just go ahead. I have to clean Phoebe up."  
  
"Piper has yoghurt on her nose, Piper has yoghurt on her nose!"  
  
"Well you have it all down your back so there!"  
  
I wipe the yoghurt off my nose with the back of my sleeve and place the empty pot on the table, glancing at the dark mark where Cole put the hot kettle on the table. My bare feet are in a puddle of lukewarm water. 


	15. Everything

WARNING: This has language so bad, you might die. Flippin' Paige!  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
Nothing prepared Phoebe for the shock, horror and pain of her sister hitting her with a sixty-four inch baseball bat. She had never really expected Paige to do it. She had never really considered the chance that Paige was actually capable of such a thing. But she was. And now that she'd started, she didn't look like she was about to stop.  
  
When the metal pole first connected with Phoebe's right shoulder, she didn't know what to make of it. She'd already covered her head with her arms, but that didn't stop her crazed sister. The first thing she'd felt was simply the hit: no pain, just the feeling of physically getting hit. Then a sort of "Oh. She actually did it," realisation swept over her, swiftly followed by soaring agony exploding into her shoulder.  
  
When the pain started, Phoebe screamed, which only seemed to infuriate Paige further. "You whore! Shut up! I'll fucking kill you!" Paige raised the bat again and swung, this time it smashed into Phoebe's ribcage and from the agonising scream Paige guessed she'd broken a bone. Good! Phoebe was a fucking moron who deserved everything that was coming to her! Thoughts whizzed around her mind, telling her to stop, to attack, to stop, to attack, to stop-  
  
"Paige!" Phoebe wailed in terror, her voice choked up in a cry of despair, her body curled up on the floor against the wall, "Please!"  
  
"You're fucking pathetic, you piece of shit!" Paige yelled, feeling unspeakable strength coarse through her veins. She just hated Phoebe so much! It was wrong and she knew it but at the same time she just didn't care. She was shaking. She kicked her sister's legs out from where they were pulled up to her chin and reached down, grabbing a fistful of her hair. "You and your fucking superiority! You think you're so amazing when really you're a whiny little bitch!"  
  
By now Phoebe had descended into heaving sobs of misery. What had happened to her sister? She'd gone crazy! A gurgling wail left her throat as Paige lifted her body up by her hair. It hurt so much that Phoebe couldn't resist Paige's pull and had to follow Paige's hand while it held onto her. "Paige! It's me, Phoebe!"  
  
"I know who you are, idiot!" Paige screamed and kicked Phoebe in the stomach. "You think I'm Piper now? You think I'm fucking crazy? You're the one who's crazy!" Letting go of Phoebe's hair, Paige roughly pushed her so she sprawled out on the floor, lying on her front. "Look at you! Can't even stand up to your little sister!"  
  
She got a good grip of the baseball bat again and brought it down upon Phoebe's back, between the shoulder blades; over and over. Each thudding smack was accompanied by Paige's animal roar and Phoebe's scream of agony. Every time Phoebe tried to get up, to escape, Paige would bring her down again with a well placed swing of the bat.  
  
Phoebe curled up once more into the fetal position, hunching her legs up towards her chin and guarding her head with her arms, which consequentially were attacked even worse by Paige's wrath. "I can't believe I used to look up to you," Paige was saying with disgusted tones. She went on to talk some more but Phoebe couldn't hear it. All she could hear was a roaring sound in her ears, like the ocean. She tried opening her eyes and everything was blurry. But she could distinctly see Paige's legs standing nearby.  
  
In an unsteady act of sheer hopefulness, Phoebe swung her leg out and kicked Paige's feet with all her might, which was enough to bring her younger sister toppling to the floor.   
  
While Paige scrambled for her balance, Phoebe quickly started to crawl away. "Leo!" she screamed desperately, her voice hoarse and mouth tasting of sickly sweet blood. "Leo help!"  
  
She didn't get very far when a hand closed around her ankle and yanked her leg backwards, scraping her knee against the hard floor as she collapsed in imbalance. Paige didn't let go of her foot. Instead she reached over and grabbed the baseball bat then swung Phoebe over so she was lying on her back. As soon as Paige released Phoebe's ankle, there was barely enough time for Phoebe to bring her legs up over her chest to bear the brunt of Paige's assault.   
  
Phoebe slowly descended into shock. Her eyes glazed over, staring into some distant world. Everything was in slow motion; Paige's enraged screaming, the echoing thuds of the baseball bat smacking into her broken shins, her own terrified screams of agony. A black mist started to infiltrate her vision, slowly enveloping everything she could see. Calm fell over her.   
  
She closed her eyes and welcomed it.  
  
*  
  
Phoebe was laying flat out on the floor, her curled up legs having slowly slid down onto the floor, leaving her torso unprotected. Her swollen eyes were closed and her bloodied mouth was slightly open. Her right arm was at a strange angle and her hand looked even more awkward. Her head was facing to the side, and lazily a droplet of blood dribbled down her chin and stretched its way onto the floorboards.  
  
A deep silence fell over the apartment that even Paige's heavy breathing wasn't breaking up. Was Phoebe dead? Did Paige care?   
  
She had to think about it for a moment until suddenly it felt as if a shroud had been pulled off her with such force she was shocked. Her anger immediately dispersed and she was left with a clear head and shaking body.  
  
Yes. Yes, she did care.  
  
The baseball bat fell to the floor with a loud clatter and Paige's hands flew to her mouth. She took several steps backwards, her wide eyes not leaving the still form of her sister lying unmoving on the floor. Slowly, Paige looked at her hands and saw they were smeared with blood. Phoebe's blood.   
  
Dazed, Paige stumbled backwards before her legs gave way and she sat down abruptly, rocking back and forth rhythmically but still staring at Phoebe's mangled body. Her rage had disappeared as quickly as it had sprung upon her, leaving her feeling only more shocked at what she'd done.   
  
She'd murdered her own sister! She was a murderer. A killer. A cold-hearted, evil, conniving criminal. What happened to her? After all these lonely years of having no family, she finally got her wish and this is what she does in thanks?   
  
Her distress was enough to get the attention of Leo who appeared in his familiar cluster of orbs, the blue colour looking more cold and impersonal than their usual welcoming demeanor.  
  
Leo's eyes flickered around the apartment before coming to rest on Phoebe, lying on the floor, not moving. Paige was sitting a few yards away on her knees, her face soaked with tears and smeared with blood. Without a word, Leo lurched over to Phoebe and held his hands over her. He could feel her slow heartbeat, residual life still inside her. She was nearly dead. He bit the inside of his lip and tasted blood until his hands glowed that soothing orange and life was breathed back into Phoebe, who choked in a sudden breath and spluttered for a moment.   
  
"What happened Paige?" Leo asked urgently. "Was it a demon?"  
  
Paige simply continued to rock as if she hadn't heard him. Then slowly, she drew her eyes up to meet his. "No, no demon," she replied simply. Then she brought her legs up to her chin and started to rock herself once more.  
  
"Well what was it?" Leo demanded, then his eyes fell upon the baseball bat lying on the floor across the room, splattered with blood. "Oh god..." he uttered.  
  
He quickly turned to make sure Phoebe was all right. She was trying to sit up now, checking all her muscles and body parts were in working order again. She was breathing raggedly from shock, and as soon as she saw Paige she scrambled across the floor right to the other side of the room. "Keep her away from me," she screamed, half in anger, half in fear.  
  
Paige was crying silently, bowing her head right down. She just kept rocking herself, faster and faster, back and forth, wishing she'd never got angry. Wishing she'd been nicer to Phoebe since she'd met her. Wishing she'd never fought with her parents. Wishing she hadn't been born. She couldn't apologise. It would mean nothing, no matter how sorry she was. "I couldn't stop it," she muttered, repeating and rephrasing the same sentence over and over. "It just happened and I couldn't control it and I couldn't stop it."  
  
Phoebe had also broken down into tears. She was struggling to breathe, her body racking with the huge sobs and miserable coughs of pain. She leant against the wall and crouched down, slowly sitting on the floor and letting her shoulders sag and tears flow.  
  
Leo didn't know how to react. What was he supposed to do? One of his charges had almost killed the other one! That wasn't supposed to happen - to anyone, let alone the Charmed Ones! He had to talk to the Elders about this. Slowly he began to disappear into orbs.  
  
"No!" Phoebe screamed in terror when she saw Leo start to leave. He rematerialised at her cry. "Don't leave me with her!" Phoebe pleaded desperately. "Please Leo, don't leave me!"  
  
An anguished wail left Paige's throat as Phoebe's words reached her's ears. She couldn't stay quiet any longer. "Oh god Phoebe I'm so sorry!" Paige cried miserably. "I don't know what I did, I'm an evil person oh god I'm sorry Phoebe! Phoebe!" Paige called her sister's name louder as Phoebe refused to look in her direction. In a bid to gain Phoebe's attention, Paige stumbled to her feet drunkenly and lumbered over to her sister's side, pulling Phoebe into an embrace. "Phoebe I'm sorry!" she wailed. "Please forgive me! Please!"  
  
Phoebe felt her body go rigid at the very idea of Paige touching her, and when Paige actually did, she thought she was going to be sick. Instead, she just recoiled into an even tighter position and held her mouth shut. Paige's heartbroken cries only hurt her more.  
  
"Phoebe!" Paige snivelled, "Please just say something! I'm begging you just talk to me!"  
  
Eventually Phoebe looked up, past Paige's tear-stricken face and up at Leo's look of agony. "Leo take me home," she requested, her voice flat and unemotional. She tried to ignore Paige's gibbering whimpers behind her.  
  
Nodding silently, Leo started to walk towards Phoebe while she got up. As Phoebe stepped out of Paige's one-sided embrace, Paige found herself completely desperate for her sister's forgiveness, or at least even acknowledgement. She reached out and grabbed a hold of Phoebe's now healed leg. "Phoebe!" she cried, her voice cracking with strained emotion.  
  
An electric surge jerked up through Phoebe's leg as soon as Paige touched it, and she yanked herself out of reach, whipping around and glaring at her little sister. "Don't fucking touch me!" she screamed as loud as she could, then quickly placed her arms around Leo, just wanting to be out of there.  
  
Before he orbed Phoebe out, Leo glanced at Paige crumpled in the corner. "I'll be back," he told her, his voice inundated with sympathy. Then they were gone.  
  
Clutching the hair just above her ears, Paige screamed loudly and ripped some of the jet black curls out. Bringing the small clumps of hair in front of her eyes, she slowly dropped them to the floor and dissolved into tears.  
  
  
  
  
Well. I didn't like that. I think it was crap. But hey it's me and let's hope it's wrong.  
  
Series Four of Charmeded: The Show That's Almost Charmed But Not Quite airs tomorrow. Well finally! 


	16. Nice To Know You

A/N: Ugh I know the last chapter was gawdawful. I did the best I could, but what happened had to happen. Yes, I have plot ideas. Finally. So anyway, I apologise. And I hope that nothing I ever write will be as abysmal as that ever again. Ever.  
  
A/N: My loyal reviewer Anonymous - Lycan Animal will be updated, I just want to get this done first. Since I already have like ten chapters of that story finished I *could* post them at the same time but I never really thought about it. I'll probably repost the first chapter after this is finished and continue from there.  
  
A/N: On that happy note, I give you...  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
Recap: Paige went all 'psycho' on Phoebe and beat her to hell. Leo orbed in and managed to save Phoebe, who found herself terrified and filled with hatred towards the now miserably regretful Paige. Trying to ignore her sister's pleading wails, Phoebe asked Leo to orb her out.  
  
* * *  
  
  
Leo's orbing in with Phoebe. I curl my lip in distaste at the sight of them together. That bastard. He's now blatantly cheating on me. Hate him. They're entwined in a close embrace, her head resting on his shoulder. That should be me there. Bitch.   
  
Letting go, Phoebe turns around. Her face is red and her eyes are quite puffy. She looked utterly devastated. Quickly, she comes over to me and throws herself on me, wrapping her arms around my back and sobbing into my hair. Awkwardly I place my own hands around her shoulders and neck, trying to soothe her but not quite feeling right.   
  
"I have to go and..." Leo doesn't finish his sentence. He's tactfully deciding not to say something. But what? What is it that is too awful for him to utter? Never mind, Phoebe has waved carelessly at him - his dismissal - and he has orbed out without so much as a second glance at his beloved wife.  
  
Phoebe's still crying away, gripping onto me like I'm holding her over a cliff. "Phoebe, what happened?" I ask eventually, guessing she probably does have a reason to be completely cut up about whatever. Slowly I do feel myself begin to care though. I draw my arms back and push her away softly. "Phoebe. What happened?" I repeat.  
  
Something's stopping her from answering, but she won't say a word.   
  
"Show her Cole's note," Prue tells me. I start in the shock of Prue actually being present while I have company. Jerking my head around, I see her standing, leaning against the fridge with her arms folded and a bemused grin. "Come on Piper, it'll make her feel better."  
  
I chew on the inside of my cheek and my mouth still tastes like peach. Phoebe hasn't seemed to have noticed Prue standing right in her line of vision. What else is new? With a yawn I stand up and let Phoebe sit down, before crossing to the fridge and pulling the latter off. The magnet falls to the floor and joined the other one. This time I pick them up. "Phoebe?" I say her name tenderly, "Cole asked me to make sure you got this."  
  
Her ears perk up at the very mention of her boyfriend's name and she roughly snatches it out of my grasp, her white-knuckled hands shaking. "He was here?" she asks, her eyes slowly raising up to meet mine, looking almost pleading.  
  
Smiling, I nod my head and put the magnets back onto the fridge, wondering how magnets work. That stuff makes no sense to me. They're not sticky, so how do they stick? It's frustrating.   
  
I turn around to find Phoebe standing right beside me, a strange look on her face. "Piper, did he hurt you?" she asks, her voice serious and desperate. "What did he want?" She frowns as she looks down at the floor and at her feet, which are resting in a pool of water. She lifts them out and looks at me curiously.  
  
"He just wanted to talk to me," I reply airily. "He asked for you but I told him you were at Paige's. So he wrote you a note. Me and Prue read it, I hope you don't mind. We think it's funny but sweet."  
  
There's a long silence while Phoebe stares at me, a small frown giving her that concerned look I've witnessed so many times. Then she turns on her heel and marches over to the table, her hands up at her temples, massaging them. "I can't handle this," she mutters. "Oh god I'm gonna have a heart attack or something."  
  
"Did you read it?" I enquire pleasantly, tipping my head to the side in a curious fashion. I want to know if Phoebe giggled like Prue and myself did. I want to know if Phoebe remembers when we were kids and Prue poured yoghurt down her back. Oh that was such a funny day. Phoebe was screaming and crying and Prue got sent to her room but I'd finished my yoghurt so I asked for a cookie and gave it to Prue so she wouldn't be sad.   
  
Phoebe keeps her eyes on me for a while before directing them towards the unread letter on the table. With a long sigh, she picks it up and begins to read it. As soon as she starts, she is crying. Loud sobs of misery pour out of her as her eyes flicker down the page. I watch her read. I don't know what she's crying about, it seemed perfectly nice to me.   
  
Once she's finished, Phoebe lowers her hand to rest on the table. "I uh..." she begins, not quite knowing what to say, "I'm just going to go upstairs. If you need anything just yell okay?"  
  
"Okay," I agree, and watch her gather herself together and make the journey from the room, tear-stained letter still clutched in her hand.  
  
I'm alone again, just sitting there with my own thoughts. Stupid thoughts. All that ever goes through my mind is utter drivelling crap. Why can't I just wake up?   
  
"Piper, you'll never be normal again," Prue tells me. "So why beat yourself up about it?"  
  
"I will," I reply defiantly. "You can't decide how I am."  
  
She purses her lips and relaxes her frown, looking perfectly calm and in control. "Piper, be honest. You know I know you better than you do. I decide what you say, what you do. It's always been that way. You're mine."  
  
No. What she's saying isn't true. The real Prue taught me a long time ago to be my own woman, to seek independance. She was bossy but not controlling. "I don't belong to anybody," I say quietly but sternly.  
  
"Liar," Prue taunts. "You can't look after yourself, Piper. You need me!"  
  
"You're not even alive anymore!" I scream with all my might, squeezing my eyes shut and clenching my fists into tight little balls. It seems like my cry echoes around the kitchen, then a heavy silence settles over me. When I open my eyes, the kitchen is empty once more. Prue's gone.  
  
Phoebe told me to yell if I needed her. I shout her name loudly and hoarsely, needing her comfort. But she doesn't reply or appear. So I make my way upstairs and knock on her door. No answer. Gingerly I tug the handle down and push the door ajar, then fully open. Phoebe's room is empty.  
  
On her bed there's a note.   
  
~*~  
  
This is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do.  
  
I didn't want this to happen, nobody did, but Cole offered me support. Support I am in bad need of. I don't mean to abandon you but after what happened with Paige, I just can't bring myself to trust her anymore. I don't know if my feelings will ever change. I won't disappear out of your lives, I'll still be around, but I won't live with you and you won't see me so much. I love Cole and I know he loves me, so I will be safe with him. I'll be fine, I promise.  
  
I'm sorry and I love you.  
  
Phoebe.  
  
~*~  
  
I trace a finger down the handwriting on the paper. Meaningless words, that's all they are. I can read them but I can't *read* them! All I can concentrate on is how messy and scrawled out her writing is. Has she always done that or was it just the passion of the moment? Was there any passion of the moment? For all I know, it could say something like 'Gone shopping, back soon' and I'd be none the wiser.  
  
But somehow I get an idea. Whether she's gone shopping or not, she's not coming back.  
  
The letter tastes like liquorice. I never liked liquorice.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: You guys have no idea how hard it was to *not* put 'PhEobe' at the end of the letter. For a while it was, cos hey, that's the way Alyssa spells it right? But I couldn't, so I thought I'd mention it anyway hehehe.  
  
Might be a while (don't worry - not a month) before the next update, got me some exams happening. But you gotta give me credit, I'm posting regularly now. Ish.  
  
Thanks for the supporting reviews. Really.  
  
*sighs* Oh, and read Charmeded. *winks at kit and falcon* 


	17. I Won't Leave You Lonely

A/N: As I wrote this chapter... I grossed even myself out. Not for the faint of heart.  
  
A/N: Thanks to Kit and Falcon for telling me this was okay.   
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
  
Together. Midnight in summer. The air's so much warmer. You and I dance with desire - the moon is on fire. Imagine. Stupid random song stuck in Piper head. Piper liked song but no more when it go round and round and round and round and round.   
  
*  
  
I want apple juice. I feel unsatisfied. I feel empty. Something's missing. Apple juice could fill the void. It's always had an effect on me. Whenever I get this feeling like something's missing, I get this desire to drink apple juice. Like it would make me feel better. The shitty thing, however, was that whenever I actually got the stuff, I'd drink it and think it'd solve everything. I'd be left feeling bitter and angry at my body for directing me so wrongly. As if a fruit drink could satiate my depression.   
  
Started chewing on something a little while ago. It doesn't taste of anything really. Feels like plastic. Can't remember what it is. I want to sleep. But I feel if I try I won't get to sleep. Or I'll have nightmares. Like when Paige and Phoebe were in my dream. It felt different from usual. Not in a good way.   
  
It's a screw-on milk bottle cap. It doesn't taste like milk at all. I feel cheated by it. How can something be so unlike what it's related to? I'm a void. I'm a black mark against the Halliwell name. I'm a failure.  
  
"Failure."  
  
She's right. She's always right.  
  
* * *  
  
Sitting rigidly with her curled back against the wall, Paige held the knife against her wrist. It was somewhere she'd been before; somewhere she believed she'd never go back to. But here she was, waiting, expecting.   
  
- Just do it and be done with it. Just do it.   
  
- Okay I'm doing it... wait. No. I can't. I have to be normal again.   
  
- Just do it Paige! You'll feel better! You need to be punished.   
  
- No. I need to get help. I need to talk to Phoebe. I need to make it better.   
  
- Don't you see? It won't get better! You've blown it! You've fucked it up royally! There's no coming back from crazyville. Population You.   
  
- I, I can see someone. I can talk it over, explain, I can... I can...  
  
- You can't. You can't do a thing. Everything that once was yours has been discarded. You're a shell. You're a beast, a monster. You're evil.  
  
"Evil."  
  
- Yes. You're wicked and you have to be stopped. Think about it. Think about the pain you've caused. Think about Piper - she wouldn't be this screwed up if it wasn't for you. You just bombed into the manor at the first opportunity, where was her time to grieve for Prue? She didn't have a chance to get over her big sister's death who, by the way, is so much better than you.  
  
- Oh god I know! Don't you think I don't know that? Every day I have to compete with a dead girl! If only...  
  
- Don't you start with the If Onlys now! You're too late! Too little too late, Paige. You've blown it. Just do it and make it better. For Phoebe. For Piper. For us.  
  
- But I-  
  
- For US Paige!  
  
"For us..."  
  
- Paige, just do it and do it now. You deserve this pain, you NEED this pain.   
  
Her shaking right hand poised the knife and began to slice through the skin on the left arm. She sucked in a wavering breath through her teeth which clung onto her lower lip in anticipation and a strange serenity. Bottom of the palm following the vein, upwards, slowly, let it sting, let the sweet pain infiltrate her mind slowly, oh so slowly. Punishment.  
  
She was an evil wicked little girl. All she ever did was cause grief and hurt other people. She didn't deserve. What didn't she deserve? Love, warmth, happiness. Good embodied. That was what she was supposed to be. A pillar of strength, of Good, a representative of The Elders, of good magic, of her sisters!   
  
But she was none of that. She was a failure. A loser. None of the above, all of the aforementioned. If she squeezed her wrist, more blood came out. Deep, sticky red, burning inside her flesh, drippingly cool on the outside. If she left it, it would form a film over the surface. Protecting itself. Blood. So sinister a word yet naming one of life's most important things. We need blood to live. It's stupid. We shouldn't need physical bodies. They're not what matter. If the body goes down, so does the mind.   
  
It looked fake, the blood. Paige stared down at it, a mild expression on her face. The knife was still held in her right hand, which was pressing it onto the floor with the palm, now bloodied. She hadn't cut it deep enough.   
  
- You idiot! What are you playing, just half doing it like that? You think that redeems yourself? You think this makes it all better?   
  
- I can't. I can't do it.  
  
- DO IT!  
  
Breathing quickly and erratically, a new breath being pulled in before the last one expelled, Paige picked the knife up once more and her entire arm shook as she brought it over to her left arm again. Her tongue touched the roof of her mouth and held itself there, trying the quell the babbling sounds escaping her in her anxiety. Wincing in pain as the knife slid right into the previous cut, she cried out as the warming metal hit a tender spot. A nerve ending.   
  
- Yes. That's the place. Deeper Paige. Feel the pain and embrace it.  
  
A high-pitched, ragged breath marked the point when Paige severed the tendon and blood began to splatter out faster, rushing to escape the confines of her skin. Even it doesn't want to be around me, she noted. Anger flickered to her face. She was being betrayed by her own body!   
  
Raising the knife again, Paige stopped herself just in time before she plunged it deeper into her own flesh. Blood on her arm. Blood on the floor. Blood on her mind. Blood at the door. It was, on the floor now. And on her leg. Her clothes were ruined. Dry-clean only. The silky blood was bubbling at it came out of her, recoiling at the taste of air. It was a long gash. Paige always preferred the word 'gash' to 'cut'. Why not go for the bold and the brash in life?   
  
What she was doing wasn't bold, it was cowardly.  
  
- What you're doing now is something you deserve. You don't deserve a lot, but this is something you've earned.  
  
Paige swayed to the side and her bleeding arm automatically jerked out to prop herself back up. Even though it was now numb to touch, it buckled under her weight and slid in the pooled blood on the floor, dropping Paige heavily onto her side. She slumped down, head straight, eyes wide and staring, arm stretched out in front of her.   
  
- Do the other one.  
  
"No."  
  
- God dammit Paige - DO IT OR I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!  
  
Without any words escaping Paige's lips and completely beyond her mental control, she grabbed the knife and tossed it onto the floor for her left hand to pick up, which it did fumblingly.  
  
"No!" Paige cried as her left hand slashed the blade into the skin of her right hand which she held out rigidly. It cut deep. The knife got stuck, embedded halfway up her forearm. It magnetised the blood. Redness leapt towards the knife blade and slid up it, towards her left hand. Feeling sick, she pulled the knife out which in her ears made a rusting, creaking noise as it came out.   
  
- Good girl Paige. Good girl.  
  
Crying, she slid down onto her side. Her tears rolled down her face and dropped off her face. Into the blood. There was more than she thought there'd be.  
  
Dilute the blood. Make it salty and sweet. A deceiving concoction. She was going to die. Mortal sin. Suicide. Hell.   
  
- There. You've discovered what it is that you deserve.  
  
A wave of peace and tiredness washed over her.  
  
- Do your neck now.  
  
  
  
  
A/N: What I want to know is when Prue suddenly became a bitchos!  
A/N: This story is getting pretty damn long. Long like a... something long. Who's still gonna review at chapter 30? Yeah thought not. 


	18. That's My Boy

A/N: Uh actually guys... it wasn't Prue telling Paige to hurt herself. It was Paige... PsychoPaige and SanePaige if you will. Self battling and all that riff. Prue exists in Piper's conscience and hers only. I added the A/N about Prue because normally she and Piper have a laugh together but recently Prue has taken a turn for the nasty side, like in chapter last she called Piper a failure. As do we all frequently. However, if I intend to have Prue appear as part of anybody else's conscience, I will make it a lot more clearer. The only appearance our beloved Prudence had last chapter was to Piper when she said "Failure," reinforcing Piper's views of herself. Because she's sweet like that.  
  
ANYways!  
  
A/N: Oh and this time the warning isn't about violence or swearing. Think about the other kinda of stuff you get warned about... eww...  
  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
Apparently just before you die, your whole life flashes in front of your eyes.   
  
For Paige, the life she never had unfolded itself to her.  
  
Childhood with her real parents, her sisters. All those lost years. Every achievement, happiness, sadness, everything she hadn't had with this family...  
  
She'd gotten as far as the time on her ninth birthday party when Prue had decided to give her sisters makeovers and they ended up looking like grotesque clowns when a light stirred her. Perhaps this was the 'go into the light, Paige' moment she'd been waiting for. She was dead. She knew it.  
  
"Paige," said a soothing voice, sounding slightly detached from wherever she was. She felt a great movement, then slowly became conscious. An orange light, that was what she saw. Orange, glowing, healing.   
  
Leo was nearly in tears with shock, disbelief and grief. If he'd arrived five minutes later she'd be dead. That's how close she'd become. That's how much blood she'd lost, that he was kneeling in right now. Paige's blood. Her life. He could feel her weak pulse through his hands, even though he wasn't touching her. It was taking a long time for his healing power to work. She was so close. After what seemed like an hour, the wounds on her wrists closed up, although her clothes and the floor remained soaked in blood. He breathed.  
  
So did she, to his relief. Paige opened her eyes hazily and tried to make sense of what was happening. "Leo," she murmered, "Where's... Prue...?"  
  
Frowning, Leo looked down at his littlest sister-in-law in concern. She must've been hallucinating or dreaming. What was happening here? The entire family had fallen apart! Piper was crazy, Paige was suicidal and Phoebe...  
  
His face relaxed as a realisation hit him: he couldn't sense her. She was gone! Completely off his whitelighter radar. She wasn't dead; he'd have sensed that... but she wasn't - no. Just deal with Paige now.  
  
"Paige, you're okay now," he told her, his voice firm-sounding.   
  
"I'm not okay," Paige whispered, her voice barely audible.   
  
She breathed in shudderingly as he clamped his hands onto her shoulders and gently lifted her torso so she was held in his arms. Gazing into his glimmering eyes, she felt an inexplicable urge to touch those soft lips, to comfort him with love of her own. She lay in his arms, watching him.  
  
"You are okay," he insisted with a soft voice. She tipped her head up, signalling her desires. He responded by leaning down and gently pressing his lips onto hers.  
  
His taste, his touch, his sheer melting warmth, it all sunk into Paige until she became a part of him. The consistant yet light pressure on her lips, his nature embodied in one action, the smoothness of his teeth, his tongue entering her mouth and quietly exploring.  
  
A low moan built in the back of her throat as his hands moved around her back and he lifted her further. She was floating in the air with him, they were levitating surrounded in rainbow-coloured orbs.   
  
"Paige," he muttered. "Paige come on." His voice was beginning to clarify. He was worried about something, scared. "Paige please..."  
  
She opened her eyes and saw a warm orange glow over her whole body. "Leo..."  
  
His face was agonising to look at. So much pain. "Yes Paige, come on, pull through. You can do it."  
  
She tried to form the word but stuttered. "What?" How was she on the floor again? When had they stopped kissing? How were the cuts on her arms back again? Alertness was slowly bringing itself to her, and she managed to lift her head to survey her body.  
  
"Paige, don't look," Leo told her quickly. "Don't look until I say..."  
  
It was too late. A high-pitched cry escaped her. She wasn't prepared for the blood. Oh god the blood! She was covered in it! Her clothes, her skin, the floor, even Leo was sitting in it, kneeling in her own life, her bitter salty life, her sickly sweet rustic blood. It was everywhere but inside her. "Oh god I did it I really did it," she babbled in disbelief.   
  
Setting his jaw, Leo tried to look determined but in this situation it was impossible. "Don't worry about it Paige, it's okay."  
  
"It's not okay! Oh my god Leo don't you, I can't... I can't... oh god, oh god," words spewed out of her mouth in a surge of disbelieving shock. She watched as the huge cuts on her arms sealed themselve shut but the blood remained, everywhere. It was on her body, in her hair, in her mouth, it was in all the places it shouldn't be.   
  
Leo was watching her with a frown engraved on his face. It looked as if his expression might never change. "Paige, come on, we'll get you cleaned up."  
  
"I don't," Paige stuttlered, her voice squeakily high, "I don't... I don't..."  
  
"Shh," he calmly reached down and took her hands, pulling her to her feet. With an arm around her shoulders, he walked her into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He was awkward for a moment, but decided that it was immature of him to shy away from Paige, that there were more important things for him to worry about. Carefully and gently, he undressed her to her underwear and helped her into the shower. "I'll be right back," he told her firmly and left the room.  
  
Standing under the warm water, Paige continued to choke on her breathing. She just couldn't handle what she'd done. Nearly killed Phoebe, nearly killed herself. What was happening to her? How long was it going to be before she wasn't stopped in time and actually took a life?  
  
A whimper built in her throat as she looked down and saw the water draining into the hole was red. Quivering, she brought her eyes to her wrist and examined it for any traces of what she'd just done to them. Nothing. They were smooth and pale as ever. Perhaps paler. She felt so white against the red of the blood.   
  
Moments later, Leo was back with fresh clothes. He'd taken away the dirty ones. He reached into the shower, soaking the arm of his slightly bloodied shirt, and stroked her face, slowly, gently, and just once.   
  
His touch sent shivers right through Paige's body and she lifted her own hand to hold onto his own. Delicately yet deliberately, she pulled on his wrist, drawing him closer to her body. Here she was exposed for him, ready for him. Her mouth was open and her breath came out more steadily, more heavily, and she longed for him to kiss her once more.   
  
He adhered to her wishes. Pressing his lips against hers, his hands crept around her body and held onto her. His breathing was ragged too, and the lust in the air felt electric between them.   
Teasingly, she stepped away, further into the pattering water which plastered her usually volumous hair to her cheeks, and threw him a smile. He grinned widely in return and his mouth fell open as she undid her bra and dropped it onto the floor.   
  
She stood there, naked in the water as he began to undress himself also, tugging off his shirt and she giggled as he hurriedly took off his pants. Then he stepped into the shower and pressed her up against the wall, planting kisses up and down her neck.  
  
A sharp intake of breath marked the point where Leo Wyatt entered Paige Halliwell, leaning against the cold tiles of the wall while the hot water cascaded down their bodies. She gasped once more and closed her eyes, leaning back and tipping her head upwards.   
  
The bathroom door loudly closed. "Oh god, Paige, I'm sorry!" Leo's panicked voice roused her from her dream. Why was he so anxious? He'd done nothing wrong up until... wait, what was she thinking? Leo? Were they having sex right now?   
  
Her eyes snapped open and to her mixed emotional realisation, she was alone in the shower, Leo was fully dressed outside and he was averting his eyes to the point that it was almost offensive. Unsure whether to be shocked, embarrassed, disappointed or plain confused. She was glad it hadn't happened, even though it had felt so good...  
  
Lurching towards the towels he'd brought in with him, Paige wrapped one around her and backed away from him slowly. "I'm... I'm..." she mumbled. "I'm gonna get dressed."  
  
"Okay," he replied, finally bringing his eyes back onto her now she was suitably covered. "If you need me, just yell."  
  
Paige left the room and made her way to her dresser. 'Oh I won't be doing that,' she told herself. 'What's wrong with me?'  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: That shower part, that was horrible, that was like writing porn. Ugh!   
  
Hope you liked it KIT!  
  
Thank to Nikki (Wendigo Piper) for giving this the go-ahead, I really needed your thoughts. Merci! 


	19. Sounds Like A Song

A/N: Oh you guys are gonna love me for what I'm about to do to you...  
  
  
  
Psychosis  
  
  
  
  
Well, I can't say I feel normal. I can never say I feel normal, of course. But still... it feels like we've come to the end of something. Yes, we. You and me, me and you. We've had some great times, even though you're never there for other people. You're only there for me. You're my big sister. You're my best friend.   
  
The end. This feels like the end. But I can't seem to work out whether it's the end of the beginning or... the beginning of the end. Or maybe it's the end of the end. I never thought it was going to end like this. I was a dreamer, what can I say? All these years of staring into space led me to believe that there's another place I can escape to.   
  
Maybe what I haven't realised is that I've been going there too much over the last year, that I've neglected to think about my real family anymore. And this is where it's taken me. Alone. Phoebe's gone. Paige is almost as crazy as I am. I don't even know where she is. Leo's keeping his distance to the point that he rarely even comes if I call him unless it's an emergency... not that I ever call him.  
  
Our powers are gone and we're off the demon radar. Maybe.   
  
Is this it? Is this me? Is this who we're supposed to be? It sounds like a song. It sounds like a movie... a sad movie. Without the happy ending. This doesn't have a happy ending. I can't see myself ever smiling again. I can't see a lot of things.  
  
People can't see a lot of things. They walk around, set on things, minds made up, never giving the chance of consideration to new experiences, fresh ideas, difference. I used to be like that and now I have the opposite problem: my mind's too open.  
  
Well, I'm supposed to think that... but in honesty I believe that I have no other choice.  
  
People wonder why I wander around oblivious to what's going on around me.   
  
Perhaps now you know why.  
  
  
  
  
The End  
  
  
  
A/N: Keep 'em peeled on fanfiction over the next couple of days. This isn't over. 


End file.
